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The emotions of divorce are as varied as the many different reasons people get divorced. Divorce is the death of a marriage. It is the end of a partnership that was entered into with the idea that you would be together until death parted you. Of course, there are always the exceptions. Some people enter into marriage for the wrong reasons and really don't consider how long "forever" can be. When the realization hits home and marriage becomes a challenge and not the blissful life that one might expect problems arise. Even when all reasonable attempts are made to save a marriage sometimes it is not meant to be.

When your spouse decides that he or she no longer want to be married, it can come as a complete and total shock. Some people protect themselves from dealing with issues by choosing to ignore that they exist. For this kind of people, the effects of divorce can be devastating. They range from feeling hurt to being angry to seeking pity from anyone who will listen. Their self-esteem has been destroyed by the broken trust of their spouse and they enter into an unhealthy phase. The friends of these people try to help their friend through their pain but sometimes being a good friend to someone who reacts like this is difficult. The rejected spouse needs to move ahead with their life but often is unable to do that. Letting go of the "perfect" marriage they thought they had is too hard for them to do. They feel victimized and need time to let go of the anger and hurt that they feel. In time they will realize that they have a future and they will become hopeful.

Others who are feeling rejected lash out in anger and vow to make the spouse "pay" for the pain they are causing them. This is also an unhealthy way of dealing with divorce. Sometimes they will attempt to stall the divorce proceedings by making outrageous demands for support or division of marital assets. Divorce does hurt but fighting against someone who doesn't want to be married to you won't change that. Accepting that a relationship is over is difficult but necessary.

A person who is having a hard time dealing with divorce should seek out a person who can listen and advise them of how to help them through the process. Having friends and family for emotional support is great but someone who is going through the emotional roller coaster of divorce can easily cross the line into becoming a burden. No one consciously means to burden their friends and family with what they are going through but it does happen. Speaking to a counselor can help to put things into perspective.

Going through a divorce is an adjustment. No matter how long you were married you are now facing the idea that you will be single again. At the moment, people are not thinking of a future relationship. There is a life beyond divorce. It takes some of us longer to be ready for it than others but it does happen. Once the shock, anger and hurt are put aside, hope and even excitement of what the future holds can be possible. It all depends on the person's attitude. A good life is possible after divorce.

Learn more about this author, Priscilla Benfield.
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