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Family reunions are supposed to be gatherings of love and family bonding. All the family reunions I have attended include food, fun, and family gossip. Ideally, each family reunion should be a happy occasion, and you should never have to contemplate excluding someone from the festivities. But what do you do when you have a family member who is causing problems within the family? Do you really have the right to exclude them from their other family members? Here are some things to think about:

Who makes the decisions? Does your family have a de facto executive board that makes the major decisions? In many families this is the children of the oldest family member (i.e. the aunts and uncles). This is the board that the ultimate exclusion decision is going to have to come from. If the majority of your family accepts this group as the decision makers, then you know at least the majority of family reunion will continue on. Now if your family does not have one of these de facto ring of elders, you are going to have much more work to do. Many times, if there is no organized decision making body you are not going to get your way and the only person you are going to be able to exclude is yourself. But, that doesn't me that the situation is hopeless.

Who do you want excluded? This will play a big part in whether or not your wish is granted. If you want to exclude everyone's favorite uncle because he made a pass at you or because he said something about how you dress your children, I highly doubt you will be able to get the family to exclude him from the reunion. In a case like that, if it really bothers you then you should stay home from the reunion yourself. But if the person you have a problem with is a transient within the family who has wronged other family members before, then you have a chance at getting your way.

Why do you want this person excluded? You should never try to exclude someone from a family reunion because of a personal vendetta or a disagreement. If either of these bother you so much that you do not want that other person there then you should seriously consider excluding yourself. The only reason that you should want someone excluded is because you think they will be a danger to the adults or children at the reunion. For example, if during a previous family function someone's ex spouse threatened to hurt or hurt someone (be they adult or child) then excluding the person may be a very good idea. Also, if someone constantly comes to family functions inebriated (either posing a danger to the people there, themselves, or the people on the road) excluding them might be a very good idea. Remember, someone should only be excluded for serious offences that may prove to be a danger to the people at the reunion, petty differences should either be settled outside of the reunion or you should exclude yourself from the reunion.

Remember, reunions are supposed to be times of family fun. Do not let one mistake cause you to ruin your relationship with the family. When you (or the family "board of directors") decide to exclude someone, do it on a year to year basis. That way if someone takes the time to turn themselves around, they know they aren't blacklisted for life. Tell your concerns to trusted members of the family, but do not bad mouth the person you wish to exclude. Only express your concerns for safety, nothing else. Make sure you have family solidarity with the decision to exclude someone, and discuss who within the family should give the news to the person in question. If you cannot get your family to agree, then excuse yourself from the reunion. Do not do it as retaliation, but as a way to keep you and your children safe.

Learn more about this author, Amanda Roberts.
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