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Divorce is the death of a relationship.It is sad and it can be painful. No matter who you feel is to blame, you both are to blame when a marriage fails. One person can try to hold together a relationship but without the give and take from both people it is doomed to fail. Accepting that you had a part in the failure of the relationship can help your divorce to be friendlier.

Yes, you are in pain. Your ego is hurt but lashing out in anger is not going to help you to heal. Your marriage is over and letting go and trying to move forward is the best thing that you can do. Accept the fact that there is no saving your relationship. Hanging on to the past keeps you from living your life. Even though it hurts you need to forgive your ex for their part in the break up. Taking an honest look at where you both went wrong will help you in the future and will help you to grow as a person. Being honest with yourself takes a lot of courage but it is therapeutic and necessary.

When there are children involved it is also the beginning of a new kind of relationship with your ex. You and your ex may no longer be a couple but you are still parents. It is possible to have a friendly divorce for the sake of your children and for yourselves. Divorce is never easy on children but a friendly divorce can make the transition smoother for your children. Your divorce has turned their lives upside down. Your children are the innocent victims of your divorce. Avoid putting them into the middle of any anger or resentment. Children are going to react to their parents divorce in the typical ways but try to keep a united front by not including them in the details of your marriage's failure. Sometimes this might mean being the "bigger" person but it is for the good of your children so let that be your motivation.

Before reacting to your ex, stop and listen to what they are really saying. People don't always say what they mean. Emotions cause people to say horrible things or make threats that they don't intend to carry out. If you had gone through couples therapy together and there were issues that you couldn't work out remember this now as you go through this anger. Accepting certain personality traits that were part of why you argued and letting it go is a smart thing to do. Sometimes it is better to pick your battles with your ex, some issues just aren't worth it.

Think about what you really want right now. Obviously your marriage is over and there is no going back. Divorce is your only option and your goal is to get it done with. Focus on getting through it as painlessly as possible. Try to be fair about things like the division of marital belongings and property.Get proper legal advice but only for the purpose of making sure that you are protected. Remember that it is all just "stuff". Fighting over silverware is insane and really what good is it going to do?

Try to remember that once upon a time you married this person and there was love and respect. Something went wrong and now the relationship is over but there is no reason to hold onto the anger. Holding on to anger is harmful to yourself. You are feeling enough pain. Your future is now and doing your part to end this chapter of your life will only make your transition easier.

Learn more about this author, Priscilla Benfield.
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