by Terry Donelson

Created on: June 04, 2009

Being a child of divorce at any age is seldom a good thing. If, however, there is any truth to the old saying Every cloud has a silver lining, my silver lining is that I learned, by living the bachelor life with my father following my parent's divorce, to do laundry, clean, and, to a certain degree, cook. I was fifteen years old at the time and a sophomore in high school.

My father was a very neat, clean, and organized man. He was also one hell of a good cook. And while he had a couple of unsuccessful marriages under his belt, it didn't take me long to notice that he was never at a loss for female company. As I approached my late teens and early twenties, I remember even being jealous of him; this man in his forties who was getting more action that I was.

One of the best bits of wisdom my father ever bestowed on me was: Son, learn to cook and learn to dance. Of course, like most kids, I didn't listen. Today I can cook well enough to keep from starving, but I'm not near the cook my dad was. And I never did learn how to dance.

Sharing household responsibilities with your significant other might not be the key to a happy relationship, but an unwillingness to do so can certainly add some rust to the lock. It's sort of like money; having money won't make you happy, but not having money will most certainly make you miserable. The key, in my opinion, to a happy relationship is compromise.

It's truthfully difficult for me to imagine a man, in this day and age, who feels that his wife should be exclusively responsible for all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc., especially if both parties work outside of the home. This guy needs to grow up and get a grip. Or if he still wants a mother to wait on him and pick up after him, maybe he should just move back home.

The only exception I can see to a man not helping with household responsibilities is one in which he works outside the home and his wife does not. While this used to be the norm, today's economy usually dictates that husband and wife both work outside of the home. I don't think it terribly unfair or unrealistic to expect a (childless) woman, one who is financially able and who chooses to stay at home, to be primarily responsible for the household chores.

You might have noticed that I said a childless woman. If you have children in the home, all bets are off. While cleaning the house, washing and ironing the clothes, vacuuming, dusting, cooking meals, washing dishes, etc. might be considered an eight hour job, children are most definitely not. Children are a 24/7 job. So to all of you guys out there who come home after a tough eight hours at the office and feel entitled to zone out while your wife deals with the kids, cooks supper, and washes the dishes, wake up and grow up.

Even without kids in the home, and even if you work outside the home and your wife doesn't, will it kill you to get off your butt and help her out a little? If she cooks dinner, pour her a glass of wine afterwards and tell her to go put her feet up while you wash the dishes. Take her out to dinner every once in a while; or bring home take out. If something needs to be picked up, taken out, or otherwise dealt with, do it. Don't make her beg you.

Don't lose sight of the fact that your wife is the most important person in your life. She is, isn't she? If you're married to her I would certainly hope so.

If nothing else, just ask yourself this question: Which wife would I like to crawl under the sheets with later tonight? The one who is stressed, exhausted, and resentful; or the one who is calm, rested, and oh so grateful that she's married to such a wonderful, loving, and considerate man?

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