by Pennee Struckman

Created on: June 03, 2009   Last Updated: June 04, 2009

Mourning is a natural part of the grieving process. Mourning our loved ones who have passed, is healing. As we cry, as we remember, we are processing the death. This mourning process is a time honored tradition and one of which we can be proud.

When a loved one passes, there are emotions of shock, disbelief, abandonment and denial. We who are left behind are overwhelmed with the desire to stop living, to stop enjoying life as it was before. But, in order to move on in our lives and recover from the loss, it is important to acknowledge these feelings and let them run their natural course.

There are those who believe that mourning is selfish, that we should celebrate the fact that the person has passed to a better place, spared the suffering and hardships of the world we live in. While this is true, the mourning period is the time for this type of selfish behavior. The person who has passed, has left a hole in the lives of their loved ones and left them with emptiness and loneliness. It is important that we acknowledge this and not discourage it in any way.

In many cultures, the death is observed when the loved ones, dress in black. The mourners hold a wake according to their traditions. Some religious observers must bury the dead before sundown, so the friends and neighbors pay their respects later at the family's home. Others cut their clothing, as an outward sign of mourning.

It is important to know, as supportive friends, that each person grieves and recovers at their own pace. Mourning can display itself in outrageous behaviors, such as excess drinking, or risk taking. Most people fall into a depression, some cry for hours or days.

In any situation of mourning, do not discourage people from sharing their memories. Let the family talk and express your condolences. While there is no good thing to say, it is important to the family that you have an expression of some sort. It can be as simple as grasping their hand, a kiss on the cheek, or a small word of kindness. Because the family is overwhelmed, they may not remember what you say, but they will remember that you acted kindly.

Mourning should not be discouraged. If the feelings are expressed and the emotions healed, the person will carry the death with them for years and be unable to move forward. While some people think that family members should be strong, death is not the time for strength. It is a time when the person suffering the loss, should be treated with kindness and understanding, encouraged to express their sorrow and shed their tears.

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