by Mukheled Al-Amiry

Created on: June 03, 2009

Presidential gaffes... The inside info

I am a secret guru of gaffes, collector of clangers and harvester of howlers. My info comes from a dedicated group of insiders who had imperilled their lives in this pursuit.

In 1992, when President George Bush (senior) swooned and deposited his stomach contents into the lap of the Japanese Prime Minister at a state dinner, the official line was that the president was suffering from stomach-flu, but rumours were abound throughout the Japanese corridors of power... Some had put it down to Mr Kiichi Miyazawa was giving Mrs Barbara Bush the recipe for the Sushi dish they were eating, others claimed that the chef was an anti American activist and added an (unsavoury) ingredient onto Mr Bush's plate, whilst the real truth was that Barbara had just reminded George not to drink too much Saki because of the romantic evening they had planned for later. My source for this information came directly from the mouth of Mr Yamanaku Yama, a balloon seller who had strategically positioned himself on the sidewalk directly outside of the function venue.

Poor old Gerald Ford... His tenure as president ran for only two years. He was and still remains the only president in American history not to be re-elected. His two years as president were plagued by trips, stumbles and falls everywhere he went. The American voters wrote him off as a bumbling buffoon with no sense of balance, not knowing that Mr Ford was secretly the father of the Break-Dance USA movement, but that he was the unwitting victim of the earliest onset of Islamic terrorism...

One of the Whitehouse valets who got the job using the false name of Kishir Al-Mouzah was placed in charge of tending the president's shoes. He aroused much suspicion when he suddenly disappeared without tendering his resignation... It took the NSA, CIA and the FBI with some help from the British MI5; years of exhaustive investigation to finally discover that Kishir Al-Mouzah translated from Arabic; meant Banana Skin..!

Who could ever forget Bill Clinton's world shattering gaffe? I never had sex with that woman preceded by Watch my lips even. But let's face it watching Monica's lips who wouldn't? And watching Hillary's stare; who would dare admit it?

All along I knew different of course; Consuelo Hernandez God rest his sole- a Cuban friend and a reliable source told me everything: Consuelo was Miss Lewinsky's Cigar supplier; she insisted on "Grand" size cigars of a particular brand to give to

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