by Kelle Deluca

Created on: June 03, 2009   Last Updated: June 05, 2009

Children learn by example; what they see and hear they emulate. The attitude of the parents is one factor in many that determine a child's disposition. This is both a positive and a negative when it comes to effective discipline. If the parents are out of control or set no limits or boundaries, then the children will also be out of control. If the parents are hard and bullying, they may get a seeming acquiescence, but will that be an effective behavior control mechanism once the child is old enough to really rebel, or is simply too big and strong to be cowed? When this child is no longer under the parent's thumb, what have they learned of self-discipline? How the parent presents the discipline will absolutely affect the way it is received by the child. If the parent shows an attitude of love, support, and caring even while disciplining, then the child will receive that discipline with that knowledge.

Parents can find that giving discipline to a child is a difficult challenge. How do we know when discipline is enough and what is too much? Are we too hard or too lenient on our children? One method that many parents are adopting for effective discipline is nonviolent communication techniques.

Nonviolent communication in child discipline is all about the attitude that the parent brings to the table. There are four steps to the nonviolent communication dialog: 1) Identifying the need of the child that is not being met, 2) Verbally acknowledging the needs of the child until you are both certain the need is understood, 3) Looking inward and acknowledging the need of your own that was not being met, and 4) Stating for the child what needs you have that need to be met.

All behavior, whether it is the parent's, or the child's (or anyone else for that matter), is a result of needs being met, or needs not being met. If my need for peace is being met, I'm happy and go about my day. If my need is not being met then I seek to correct that situation. As adults, we have a lot more tools at our disposal to get what we need. For children, the arsenal is limited. The first thing a newborn will do when its needs are not being met is to cry. Then the parent soothes the baby and tries to meet the needs of that child. A toddler is no different, nor is a teenager; they perceive a need, and now must struggle to find a way to express that need. When the parent understands this as a root of behavior, then it becomes a lot easier to keep your cool while assessing the

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