by Rachel Fahnel

Created on: June 03, 2009

Teaching a child the correct names for his or her body parts comes naturally - until we get past the belly-button. After that, we will use almost any other word than the one your pediatrician spent eight years in medical school learning.

Why is this? Why are we so embarrassed about saying as simple a word as 'penis' or 'vulva'? In fact, there are many people who would rather use an off-color euphemism than the real thing. Of course, I am not saying that we are teaching our children to use those words instead of the correct ones, but if we show them that we are too shy to use the correct terms, does that not show them that there is something wrong with those particular parts of the body?

A huge concern of mine is a child that was never taught 'penis', 'vagina', etc., will become a special target for child molesters. Wait a minute there, you're thinking. How does one factor into the other?

If we give a child the idea that there is something wrong with their private parts, that they are somehow shameful, that makes them easier prey for those who would harm them. Throughout history, the disuse of a name was a way to shame someone. Even now, it is a common form of torment in schoolyards to not call a child by his or her name, instead bestowing a nickname or no name at all-such as "Hey you."

If we fail to give the body's reproductive organs their own names, the ones that this child will need to know as he or she grows, we are both casting a light of shame onto the organs, and we are also doing the child a disservice in not teaching him or her something that they will need to know in the doctor's office when reading science/biology text books, and other instances.

Let us cast a hypothetical child out into the world. One day he is approached and a stranger tries to touch him in an inappropriate way. He resists and escapes. That night at bedtime he is acting strangely so a parent, whichever he would be most comfortable with, sits down and asks him what is wrong.

"Nothing."

"You don't feel good?"

"A man bothered me today."

"Bothered you how?"

"He tried to touch me."

"Where?"

"My penis."

You see, there is no confusion over what happened. There is a dialogue back and forth involving names and titles, and what is and is not all right for someone to do. This child is armed against a big, dangerous world and nowadays, a child needs all he protection he can get.

Teaching them the names is not difficult. When a child is learning all the names for his body parts, he has no blocks against what is right or wrong, no triggers that lead to embarrassment. If the parent refuses to be embarrassed either, the child will learn 'labia,' 'penis,' and testicle as simply as they learned 'nose,' 'ear,' and 'eye.'

To overcome your discomfort, remember that this is for the child's benefit. You tamp down your discomfort enough to watch the child receive his vaccinations because you know it spares him from disease. Compared to that, this should be, if not easier, then at least, not as painful.

Please use the correct names for the body parts while teaching and speaking with your child. The benefits far outweigh any embarrassment.

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