by Susan Marie Wells

Created on: June 02, 2009   Last Updated: June 03, 2009

I was disappointed in this article. I expected to learn how to deal with an estranged sibling, but she didn't offer anything.

Perhaps, reading the book _TheOrphaned Adult:Understanding and Coping with Grief and Change after the Death of Our Parents- by Alexander Levy will help those siblings who find themselves estranged from one another after their parents die. I never thought that this would happen between my sisters and brothers and myself, but it did- especially with my older sister and my younger sister. In the above-mentioned book Mr. Levy does say that after the last parent dies, siblings may disappear or draw sides. For me it seemed that

my sister's drew sides with each other. I say that it seems that way because from my viewpoint I always felt like I had to get along with their plans and if I didn't then they called my every defaming name they could to make it look like I was the always the trouble maker. Their idea of "getting along" was to make plans with me and then change them at the last minute or to leave me out completely and tell the rest of the family "not to tell you-know-who" because they didn't want to "hurt-my-feelings." Does that sound like something familiar to someone reading this? That is a rhetorical question by the way.

The time came a year ago that I simply had to pull out of the relationships and that was for my own sanity more than for anything else. I can tell you that I don't know what the two of them are doing, and I simply don't care because I have never been happier in my life now that I don't have to deal with the insanity of it all. What is really amazing is that I don't have any problems with my friends like I had with those two, and I don't have those problems with my two brothers who are realizing that they can't take my side because of course
to take my side would be to admit that the "two of them were just plain mean-spirited."

I hope by others reading this they won't feel so bad if they have to just get out of a toxic, adult relationship in order to give it some breathing room. As we get older our siblings grow too. They will want to be treated with more graciousness, respect and tenderness. After parents pass away, most siblings realize that if they don't wok on these three things willingly and together, than there will be no relationship because mom and are not there to make it work. My hope is that in time, I will be reunited with my sibling sisters, and when I am, each of us will have grown in grace, respect, and tenderness for one another. I can't wait for that day because I know that it will be better than ever. In the meantime, this period of silence is like a tiny seed lying still in the ground ready to burst forth in brand new life.

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