by Brittany Kaelber

Created on: June 02, 2009   Last Updated: June 04, 2009

"Time out" is such an effective tool because it gives everyone a chance to calm down. Not only does it help the child take a step back from the situation to calm down and think about why their actions were unacceptable, but it also gives the adult in the situation a chance calm down without the threat of getting frustrated and yelling.

I have often heard that the rule for "time outs" is to have the length of time spent in "time out" be equal to the child's age. This is a nice idea, and can work well for a child that is already calm; however, "time out" length should be dependent upon each situation. Differing amounts of time in accordance with different behavioral problems is not inconsistent, as long as you are able to keep other parts of your "time out" consistent.

First of all, make sure that you have a "time out" location. Children should have a spot in the house where they can be safely set down. This consistency in location helps a child recognize that when they are here it is directly related to unacceptable actions. It helps children remember what is expected of them during this period of time; whether it is to calm down, to apologize, to think about their actions, or all of the above. Of course there may be times when you feel the need to enforce "time out" outside of the home. In this case, try to emulate the at-home atmosphere of "time out" as closely as possible.

Second of all, keep the rules of "time out" consistent. "Time out" is not a time for talking, for playing, for watching T.V., and especially not for violent temper tantrums (example: kicking walls or furniture). Breaking the "rules" of "time out" should result in further punishment. Make sure that all members of the family are well acquainted with the rules of "time out." Other children or the other parent should not interfere with "time out." If there is some disagreement about the punishment, it should be discussed in private and away from the child being disciplined.

Thirdly, make the time fit the crime. "Time out" doesn't always have to be a set amount of time. If it is a set amount of time, make sure to set a timer for the child. "Time outs" that are done with a timer are a less severe consequence. It means that the child is thinking about their actions, but is relatively calm and accepting of the situation. A lot of times, this will not be the case, and the amount of time spend in "time out" will be dependent on the amount of time it takes the child to calm down

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