by Madeline Greet

Created on: June 02, 2009

A blended family may be at a disadvantage if we consider how easily the ties could be severed forever. It has us looking for the emergency exit whenever times are tough. But are the challenges facing blended families necessarily insurmountable? There was a time when I would have shouted an emphatic YES. Today, I feel more optimistic. And more realistic.

...

It has taken our family ten years and dozens of unsuccessful therapy sessions to get to where we are now. It's not as bad as it sounds. We were up against some of the toughest odds for blended family bliss. Two teenage girls of the same age, with two completely different personalities. A younger brother dealing with intense emotions and a whirlwind of family chaos. Two parents who didn't know what to expect and had no idea what they were up against.

As the three kids grew through their adolescence, the growing pains of youth coincided with the growing pains of a new family. Issues were compounded by mitigating factors. There was gossip. Miscommunication. Misunderstanding. But, most importantly and most thankfully, there were two parents who were fiercely committed to one another, and nothing, despite numerous close calls, tore us apart.

Like a real, flesh and blood family.

It was hard. Some days it was agony. For nine years we weren't really ready to accept one another. Every night, I would go to bed cursing my luck and wishing I could escape. I never thought I would be able to have a happy family life. The years passed, and our family hung on a by constantly thinning thread. And then, finally, something changed. We kids moved out, and after a period of virtually no contact for some of us, we actually started to communicate. And communicate effectively! It took us all reaching adulthood and not spending every day under the same roof to realize that we could tolerate one another. Slowly, steadily, a family began to truly form.

Can a blended family work? Why not? The same requirements apply as for any family and any relationship. Every case will be different, every family will need to adapt to their own obstacles. In our case, those years of turmoil were a result of unrealistic expectations. The resolution came when we finally accepted that instead of expecting an ideal family life, an escape from our past heartache, we must expect difficulty and prepare for it. Were the years of fighting and tears worth the eventual outcome? I don't think that question really matters. It's part of our family history, our communal baggage, and it brought us to this point. The most important lesson we learned is that a functional family, blended or otherwise, is one that doesn't expect perfection.

Our family slogan could be, 'Working on it.' And that is the strongest testament to our success as a unit.

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