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Tastes Just Like Chicken

Humans. Ever since we came to Earth, we've been causing problems. We gratuitously chop down trees, destroy the habitats of others, burn up fossil fuels, and spread our waste all over the planet. During the last century or two, our numbers have greatly increased and our use of resources has skyrocketed. We are in grave danger of destroying the entire planet because there are just too many of us.

Despite the number of solutions formerly implemented, the overpopulation problem continues to grow. None of them have worked! Hitler attempted to control the population by burning all but one race, but we stopped him. China forces each family to have only one male child, but continues to maintain its position as the world's most peopled country. Contraceptives are sold in drug stores and vending machines around the world; condoms are given out free on college campuses; over 3000 abortions are performed every day; the problem does not go away or even lessen. Instead, it becomes steadily worse.

Other solutions have been proposed. Reestablish natural selection, say some. Remove those labels that warn people not to use hair dryers while sleeping, remind them curling irons are strictly for external use, tell them not to drive with the windshield covered, caution them that ironing is a bad idea if they happen to be wearing the clothes at the time, and all the other warning labels that any person with an IQ above 75 wouldn't need. Of course, companies would be unwilling to do this, because somebody would hurt himself and try to sue. That's why the labels are there in the first place.

Another proposal is to lock up all the males. With all the men in jail, women would be free to run society, clean the house, and keep the toilet seat down. The only thing they could not do is reproduce. This way, very few children would be born, and those illegally. They would not have to stay locked up for very long, just a decade or two, three at the most; by that time, we would have a very small generation and the older folks in the larger generations would soon die off, leaving the world with vastly fewer humans. Despite the logic behind this idea, few individuals of either sex would be happy with this solution. Besides, locking up males is rather arbitrary; why not lock up females?

None of the aforementioned solutions are working. None of them ever will. There is another solution, however. We could implement a test that all people of the ages 25-35 must take: a test of

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