"The keen parent has lots of energy for their role in life, and all this energy is directed at their child. Now, you don't need to be a Professor of Astrophysics to work out that that much energy, pointed in one direction, could have devastating effects."

- Peter Corey, Coping With Parents

Most of us raise our sons and daughters to work hard, think before making important decisions, and to call us every once in awhile to let us know that they are still alive. We dole out care packages (that's not meddling, is it?), think of ways to help them, and give them advice.

But our advice is usually the last thing our 20-somethings are interested in.

They want to spread their wings and experience life at its fullest. They insist that the world is different now, that they can handle it. But we want to protect them, assist them, and keep them from making the same mistakes that we did. (Funny how they say the same things to us that we said to our parents when we were in our 20's.)

The solution to our problem is a two-word sentence: "Butt out!"

After wearing myself out "helping" my four adult children, I finally had to take my own advice.

Here are some tips that will help you:

1. Develop a Life Apart From Your Children:

When all my children were gone, I went back to school and trained for a new career. I had retired a few years earlier, and the house was just too big and rattling to sit there all day and listen to the quiet. My husband and I also rescued several dogs and kept them. They have brightened up our lives considerably.

2. Don't Insist That Your Children Follow in their Father's, Mother's, Sister's, Brother's, or Anyone Else's Footsteps:

There is nothing more heartbreaking than being compared to someone else. No child (adult or otherwise) should have to live up to someone else's success. Sometimes children from one family have the same ambitions and pursue the same careers, but most often they do not.

I knew a family of attorneys. Dad was a lawyer; so was son number one. Son number two became an attorney, and son number three followed in kind.

Each of these men had successful careers; however, son number three was not very happy. He never married, and every week-end he would load up his 4 x 4 and head for the hills. He would spend the week-end camping, fishing, and reading books by the campfire. When I asked him if he had wanted to become an attorney, he replied, "No. All I ever wanted to be was a park ranger." How sad that he didn't

• 1
• 2
• next page >>

---

Add your voice

Know something about Empty nest: Tips for avoiding the urge to parent your adult child?
We want to hear your view. Write now!