by Madeline Greet

Created on: June 02, 2009

Four years ago, following the advice of my stepsister, I posted my very first online relationship profile. I didn't feel comfortable including a photo of myself. I worried that I would be judged for my photo and that my words wouldn't be given the focus I felt they deserved. As someone who values communication, I wanted potential partners to be willing to take the time to get to know the written "me".

I also worried that someone might recognize my photo. I wanted to keep my online dating life private. I knew that the site encouraged users to post photos, and that I would cast a wider net by including one, but something made me uncomfortable with that idea, and I didn't want to be discounted as a potential date simply because I didn't post a photo. So I went ahead without, and focused on crafting a bio page that accurately captured the person I saw in myself. I also began to browse the profiles of eligible bachelors...

I saw many pictures of men accompanying varying degrees of poorly written profile pages. For me, I knew the spark would come through words. A good writer, being open and honest, would attract me beyond everything else. As I said, I value communication. I took my time reading through the profiles. To be sure, there were many pictures of attractive men. But I was looking for a long-term relationship, and for that I needed to be able to have an interesting conversation with the person. Finally, a simple opener caught my eye: "Looking for the real thing". Cliche? Down to earth? I couldn't tell, but I wanted to learn more. This person's profile was solid. Straight-forward, open, and intelligent. The kind of man I could really appreciate. No, there was no picture. But if this was his personality, I was willing to proceed without immediately knowing what he looked like.

As it turned out, we both felt that way. We wanted something real, something tangible. Something deeper than could be conveyed simply by a profile photo. We emailed back and forth for two weeks straight. Our intellectual selves had fallen hard for one another, and, finally, we both decided we needed to find out if there was that essential physical chemistry as well.

Now, I may be romantic, but I'm not totally foolish. We agreed to meet in a public place: a food court at a shopping centre. I had my stepsister wait at a table nearby in case things didn't go as expected. I took the proper precautions, but I was no more cautious than I would have been knowing his face ahead of time.

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