by Ong Kian Hui

Created on: June 01, 2009

Marriage brings two individuals, who are of different personalities, from different social, education, economical and family backgrounds together. With marriage being an important life-long affair, it is crucial for a couple to acknowledge that such intrinsic differences do exist between them. The couple hence needs to reconcile such differences in their marriage life, to give and take when necessary; respect is hence crucial to the success of a marriage.

With marriage, a couple does not function as 'either one' but as a pair together! As a married couple, they will make and implement daily decisions together. Can you imagine a marriage couple with the partners not able to respect each other values and differences? Probably, the marriage will soon be on the rocks as living together calls for a couple to see things from a common point of view. When I mention 'common', it does not mean to be 'identical'. A 'common point of view' can stem from different points of views from each of the married couple, however with respect, the different views are 'streamlined', 'commonised' so that each partner is able to arrive at a viewpoint which they find comfortable with. Not able to respect and coming to a common point of view in married life is tantamount to a cat living with a dog: the result will be immense chaos!

A couple must recognize that each is not alike the other, his or her partner is not exactly the same as him or her in terms of viewpoints and values; hence when it comes to the daily decision makings, conflicts are bound to occur at times. It is at these important junctures, that respect is called for. With respect, each partner of the couple will then be able to see the other's point of view and recognize the difference in their values and opinions. Each will then be more able to reconcile the differences in their viewpoints and work towards a 'win-win' situation!

It is not always necessary that each partner of the couple will learn to respect the other, but as the adage goes: Respect begets respect. I believe if one partner of the couple initiates respect for the other in their married life, the other partner, no matter how he or she is not as respectful of the other before, will gradually learn to respect the other partner, Respect is hence a miraculous thing!

For a marriage to succeed, trust between the couple is a prerequisite. Only with trust, can a marriage work. Respect for each other is the bedrock of trust. Only when the couple comes to respect each other's values and differences, can trust be formed. With respect and trust, love between the couple will be evergreen and everlasting and their marriage a success!

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