Chandra tiptoed quietly into the room. She shut the door softly behind her and moved noiselessly towards the bed. She looked down at the sleeping figure of her husband. It was mid morning but she did want to wake him since he had had another one of those sleepless nights. A few short months ago he would have been up before daybreak and would have accomplished almost a day's work before she would get up.
Chandra stared at the gaunt figure on the bed with the sunken cheeks and tears filled her eyes. A few short months ago he was a strong, healthy man with an athletic body. Now he hardly resembled the William she knew. In the fifteen years that she had known him William had never been sick. Every year, at her insistence, he promised to do a physical but he never did. He kept telling her that he was healthy and he even joked about living forever.
She remembered clearly the day their world fell apart. William had been feeling overly tired for weeks and he had a persistent flu. She had encouraged him to go to the doctor. Routine blood work had given an abnormal reading. William had to go in for further tests. The day the results came in, their lives changed forever. The news was that William had cancer. According to the diagnosis, he could not have surgery because of the position of the tumor. Surgery could mean his bleeding to death during the operation. William had to undergo a series of chemotherapy and radiation treatments. These somehow, seemed to make him sicker instead of better.
After these treatments the diagnosis was still grim. William tried to keep up his spirits but she knew he was worried about them. It was so hard for her then. She raged against a God who could be so cruel. She thought of all the terrible people out there who deserved to die and she wondered why William. He was the best husband and father that any woman could hope for. She thought it unfair and cruel of life to deal them this blow. Why would the fates take a father away from his teenage son and a loving husband away from his wife? They had loved with a passion that had never diminished through the years.
Chandra choked on her tears, fighting hard to keep from sobbing, fearing that William would awaken and see her crying. She did not want to upset him. They had met during her senior year at college. He was invited to give a lecture at the college that she attended. Chandra was sitting in the front row of the auditorium during his lecture. He was tall, handsome and intelligent. He had charisma and his lecture had everyone sitting on the edge of their seats. She was totally captivated by him and after the lecture she found an opportunity to meet him.
The moment they met there was instant chemistry. William invited her out after and a friendship quickly developed. Soon they were inseparable and within a year they were married. Her friends and family were opposed to the relationship at the beginning. They could not understand why she would want to marry a white man when there were so many fine, black brothers who were attracted to her. However after meeting William they grew to love and admire him. He was warm and friendly, witty and good natured, and most of all he loved her so much.
Their son Ethan was born a year after their marriage. The day Ethan was born was such a happy moment for them. William vowed to be the best father and to always be there for his son. Ethan was a handsome boy. Everywhere he went people remarked on his good looks. William was proud of his son and as he grew they took him everywhere. They were a threesome. William loved them so much. Theirs was an idyllic life.
Wherever they went people stared. Some stared at the pretty black woman with the handsome white husband and son. Others stared because of their own racial prejudices. Whatever the reason, they were not bothered by it. They were so happy together and that was all that mattered.
Chandra brought herself back to the present and looked once again at William. It hurt to see him lying there so helplessly. She wanted him to get up and be happy and vibrant again. Sometimes she felt that she was probably living a dream and that she would wake up and find William full of life, laughingly telling her that he had to wake her up because she was having a nightmare. But Chandra knew that that was wishful thinking. The reality of seeing William deteriorate before her eyes was almost too much for her to handle.
She left the room and went downstairs, but today her spirit was heavy and she could not seem to get any work done. She knew the end was inevitable but Chandra could not picture life without William. She tried not to think of the fact that someday he would be gone. She prepared a light soup for William and made a sandwich for herself. Later she would prepare dinner for Ethan so it would be ready when he came home from school.
Ethan had become so quiet these days. He had inherited his father's bubbling personality but these days he seemed to be carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. At fourteen, he was as tall as his father and very popular. She regretted the days she had scolded him about the incessant ringing of his phone. Lately, his phone almost never rang. His friends had given up trying to get him to go out with them. Most days, after his homework was done he would spend the rest of his time in the room with his father. She tried to encourage him to go out and spend time with his friends but she understood his reluctance. Her heart ached for him and she wondered how he would cope without his father.
Chandra too, had begun to isolate herself from others. Family and friends offered to sit in so that she could go out but she refused. She knew that William would have done the same for her and she was not willing to leave him to the care of others while she went out to have a good time. She had hired a nurse who came in everyday to help with his medication but she preferred to care for William herself as much as she could.
Her mind went back to the last two weeks. William had been more himself than he had been in months. Even from his bed he joked with her and Ethan. He even ate a little more than usual. Chandra was happy for the small changes that she had seen in him. Yesterday, he had asked to be taken downstairs to sit at the dinner table. She and Ethan had helped him downstairs. Although he could not share the meal his presence made dinner an enjoyable one. After dinner they had again helped him upstairs and put him to bed. He had hugged Ethan with all the strength he could muster and told him that he loved him.
Later, when she had joined him in bed, they lay huddled together. She had hugged his gaunt frame and he had held onto her as if for dear life. He could not sleep and he wanted to talk of all the happy times that they had shared together. They had talked well into the night, each avoiding talking about the future. That was the reason she had let him sleep so late this morning. Usually she would have awakened him to give him his medicine since today was the nurse's day off.
Chandra looked at the clock and realized that it was lunchtime and she had not received any call from William. She was puzzled that he had not yet awoken. She climbed the steps slowly and entered the room. A low moan escaped William and sensing her presence he opened his eyes. He smiled and beckoned to her. Chandra was so happy to see him awake but she did not go to him. There seemed to be something different about him. There was a calmness about his face as though he was feeling no pain. And his smile had a buoyancy that had been long lost.
William called out to her again and she went to him. She sat on the bed and held him in her arms. William whispered to her that he loved her and told her to keep holding him. They held on like this for a long time and than Chandra felt his hand go limp. She released him and looked at his face. His eyes were closed and there was a peaceful expression on his face that Chandra had not seen in a long time. She thought that he had fallen back asleep. Confused, she looked at his face again, she took his hands in hers. And suddenly she understood.