by Virginia L. Allen

Created on: May 30, 2009   Last Updated: June 15, 2009

It's a age old conundrum; how to deal graciously with your mother in-law. Contrary to popular beliefs, not all mother in-laws are hard to deal with. Many are very obliging, and know when to give their relatives the proper respect and distance needed for a serene life.

Unfortunately, whether it's due to their upbringing, culture, background, personal perceptions or personal attitudes, not every mother in-law possess these desired trait. If you find yourself in such a predicament, here are several tips for successfully, and peacefully dealing with your mother in-law...

* Keep The Line Of Communication Open.

Contrary to the thinking that "you're marrying your spouse, not your mother;" when you agree to spend your life with your significant other, your taking on his/her family as well - his/her mother especially. Therefore, in order to start things off on the right foot, establish a line of communication with her and keep that line open. Thereby, proving to your mother in-law, that you consider her as an important part of your life as well as her son/daughter.

* Set Boundaries.

Once a line of communication is open, set boundaries regarding what is acceptable and what is not. This step does not necessarily mean making a list of dos and don'ts. When a subject or situation arises, often a simple statement such as, "Thank you, but no thank you". "My husband/wife and I have decided that will not work (or be a good idea) for our family". "I appreciate your input though".

* Show Respect For Her Ideals.

Mother in-laws are people too. In addition to feeling like their presences is needed, they also want to be appreciated. Therefore, include your mother in-law in small household decisions. On occasion, request her input, thank her for it, and respect it, whether you agree with her or not.

* Think Of Her As If She Were Your Own Mother.

Since you wouldn't want anyone to treat your own mother unkind, regardless of what you may experience at the hands of your mother in-law, remember how you would want someone else to treat your mother in a similar situation. Thereby, preventing you from saying or doing things you'll regret later.

* Present A United Front With Your Spouse.

It's never a good idea to let your mother in-law see that she is causing a rift between you and your spouse. When there are disagreements between the mother in-law and the non-related spouse, it's always appropriate to put on a united front and discuss the situation in private.

* Restrict Visitations When Necessary.

When all else fails, and you find yourself faced with a mother in-law who is extremely overbearing, critical, and uncompromising, restrict your time (your family's as well) spent with her. Whether it's restricting the time you visit her in her home, or the times she visits you in your home, such a toxic personality is not what you need and desire to surround your family with.

Thereby, conveying the message that this type of conduct is not acceptable in your home or in your presence (your family's presence as well), and that you will not put up with such a toxic personality. All the while, letting her know that she is welcome when she leaves such conduct elsewhere.

Mother in-laws play a vital role in the family unit. Learning how to successfully deal with her, can enable you to enjoy a wonderful relationship with her.

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