by Sarah Darling

Created on: May 29, 2009   Last Updated: May 31, 2009

I don't look any different, do I? I wish the light was better, so I could see.gosh it seems like a hundred years since I had any fun, and I am only 25. where did it all go wrong? I want to be able to laugh and play like when I was a kid,thats funny. some say I am still just a kid, but I know better.

With a marriage gone terribly bad, and kids I may never see again, what will happen to them, and for that matter what will happen to me.?

I remember when I was about 17 and I thought I had the world ahead with so many things I wanted to do, but getting pregnant changed all that.I wanted to a writer, and travel all over, to places like Alaska, Germany, and maybe even the islands.

Gosh we had fun when I was a kid,well for hardly ever having any money, we had fun. but I never had to worry about love, relationships, or fighting nasty In laws.. I remember wonderful winters and the holidays, when my mom would decorate, and bake and we could just be together and enjoy.

It's not the same when we become adults I suppose, although I can still remember great summers with nothing to worry about , except perhaps making friends, I was always a little shy and I was into things most kids had no interest in. I loved playing D &D and escaping into a lovely world of make believe.I wrote poetry and practiced my drawing, while i enjoyed the company of my little dog. I often dream of those days, so innocent, and filled with dreams.

Childhood often draws us back, and we imagine what things would be like had we made different choices, or perhaps gotten a better start. Well am no different than many others, and although i have a life to live, and it may not be what i planned . I can always draw on the experience of growing up in a small town. It had many lessons to teach, and i think i may be getting th hang of it.

I guess we all go though this , old I wish I was young again phase, but hey, I'm only 25. why do I feel so old? Guess It's time to make new plans, and get on with it. Being a kid was grand. but being an adult has it' moments. looking back I would change a lot of things, but then many I would not trade for the world.that's life with all it's promises and realities.things can always change, and i may yet find the happy dream I planned for my self. guess I'll just have to keep trying, after all you cannot go home again, or so the saying goes.

Yes we all look back , and sometimes we see where we went wrong. and then sometimes we just relax and enjoy the memories we have a days gone by. childhood can be a thing of beauty, or perhaps not. but whatever happens as we stroll down memory lane, we often remember only what we choose to remember, and carefully edit the rest. Maybe thats good, if it eases our minds.
Growing up is something we all dace, and out past is often best left in the past. the future can be rosy and we can still accomplish our dreams, if we have faith in ourselves, and consider the world is still out there beckoning us to travel it's roads, adventure into places unknown. love could be just around the bend, and courage is all we need to take the first step..i will always look back with fondness, and a few tears.

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