by Dr. G. A. Anderson

Created on: May 29, 2009   Last Updated: April 18, 2010

Social networking sites are great places to find photos of happy families, where big holiday events and small get-togethers include multiple generations. Family resemblances and close ties are noticeable in these pictures, as well as particular bonds between grandparents and their adorable grandchildren. You see the proud grandparents. You just know there were fondly remembered moments, and that those young people will remember their grandparents with love long after the older generation is gone.

But there are situations in life when things just do not go that way for you. You envision your sons and daughters growing up, graduating from high school, going on to college, getting more responsible, obtaining employment they enjoy, marrying, and having children. In most parents' minds, this has also been a lead-up to their dreams of helping with the nurturing and care of their eventual grandchildren. Once their own children are grown, they can barely wait to help care for those new little ones of the next generation. It's been a long time since they held babies.

Sometimes, life does not turn out quite so smoothly as all that. The tough reality is that through marital break-ups, some grandparents are denied access to their grandchildren - not by the legal system nor because of any fault of their own, but by a son or daughter in return for slights or imagined slights. More often, access is denied by bitter ex sons-in law or daughters-in-law who purposely exact revenge on elders by not allowing the in-law grandparents to visit, have the children visit their home, or have any contact at all. This is a sad occurrence because the grandchildren lose out just as much as the grandparents do. They have no link to family history. They lose touch with the mother's or father's family customs and traditions, as well as their contact with their other relatives.

The grandparents suffer daily as they see pictures of their grandchildren from better days on display around their home. Some grandparents must actually remove pictures for a time as they try not to grieve the loss excessively.

When denied access to grandchildren is the result of a divorce or separation, it is difficult to make ex in-laws understand that they are not helping their children cope with the pain of divorce in any sort of positive way. If there is enough bitterness to deny access to grandparents, the process of the break-up is even more damaging to the children who need well-balanced guidance and care for their

• 1
• 2
• 3
• Next Page >>