by Jan Wright

Created on: May 29, 2009

We have always heard that "compromise" is the cornerstone of a good relationship. while I whole-heartedly agree that compromise is important, there are some things that should not be negotiable when entering into a relationship. Of course, everyone is going to have their own list. Your compromises might not be mine. You should ask your partner about their "nonnegotiable." when you have different nonnegotiable, then, it is imperative that you respect your partner's, even if you don't agree with them. If you can't respect them, then you probably are not compatible with each other. And, it goes without saying that if you want your partner to respect your nonnegotiable, you must abide by them yourself.

For me, Honesty is nonnegotiable. If we are an intimate couple, then, we should be able to be honest with each other, regardless of the outcome. And, we should not do things that we are ambivalent in being honest about. It is about respect. Usually when one partner is not honest with the other it is because they know that their mate would not appreciate something that they have done or said. Then, the question is not whether to be honest, the question becomes whether to perform the offending deed. This does not give anyone a license to be blunt and/or brash. When your partner needs to hear a bitter truth, it is best if they hear it from someone who is quite close to them. It is also best if you impart this bit of truth in love and kindness. Those who are not able to do this either lack the respect or creativity to do so. Manipulation and deception are forms of dishonesty, thus, anyone engaging in such tactics are belittling our relationship. Thus, dishonesty of any form is not negotiable.

Physical and emotional monogamy should be nonnegotiable. I know some who extol the benefits of an "open relationship" and site many more relationships where one is committing physical and/or (even more commonly) emotional adultery. However, these types of behaviors breed jealousy, resentment and are disrespectful to a relationship.

The desire for intimacy with your partner should be nonnegotiable. when I say "intimacy," I am not referring to "sex." Intimacy is the emotional bond that one shares with someone. In fact, two friends can have an intimate relationship. Both partners must desire and make attempts to nurture their intimate relationship. when they do this: all of the other wonderful qualities of their relationship will magically be enhanced. Without honesty, monogamy and intimacy, a relationship could not survive. thus, these are my nonnegotiable in a relationship.

Learn more about this author, Jan Wright.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.