by Joyce M. George-Knight

Created on: May 28, 2009   Last Updated: May 31, 2009

You say "I do" to marriage vows with the sincerest intent to be married "til death do us part." In other words, you expect to be "happy ever after," but in order to attain this goal, newlyweds must have done their homework. What is the definition of "happy ever after" to each of you? Everyone has a different definition and vision and if you haven't exchanged them with each other, how can you expect to be happy? Marriage is like buying a new house. You wouldn't make the purchase without comparing it with others, being certain that it has the specifics you believe you must have, and confirming that its engineering is sound with plumbing, heating and electrical in good working condition. So too, a couple needs to compare dreams, goals, concerning where you want to live, careers, number of children and how to parent them, vacation ideas, etc. In addition, it is extremely important to comprehend each other's expenses. If not, there could be serious problems in the marriage later on. Therefore, to be "happy ever after" means fine tuning your communication skills before saying "I do."

Having said all of that, after the exchange of wedding vows, the couple's work begins to keep the communication open and flowing. "How do we begin?" Honesty and respect for each other are the seeds of your relationship. For it is from this point that the detailed aspects of your life together grow. "What keeps those seeds nurtured and growing?" Let's take a look.

1. Decision-Making. Here, again, communication is the key. Together determine how decisions concerning the both of you, as well as each of you individually, will be made. Though some concern only you, they may have some affect on your spouse. This is a broad subject and can cover a multitude of topics. Perhaps begin by each making a list of what decisions may need to be made.

2. Questions. Should your spouse say or do something that leaves you puzzled, ask questions. Be certain that you are both on the same page. It is through asking questions that you leave no room for misunderstandings and disappointments.

3. Time-Out. When there's a disagreement, agree on how to determine some time-out period in order for you each to think, calm down and regroup. In this way, there is less possibility of saying or doing something that you will regret later.

4. Fun Time. Plan at least one evening or day of fun together - just the two of you - each week. During this designated "fun" time, do not discuss work,

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