by M.A. Dal Cero

Created on: May 28, 2009

Relationships in which one person exercises a high degree of control over the other can by no means be considered healthy. Human beings, by nature, tend to rebel against control, and this is especially true in terms of romantic relationships. Simply put, control is one of the main destroyers of a partnership that should be based on love and mutual respect. Individuals who go to great lengths to control their significant others seem to do so primarily because they suffer from extremely low self-esteem, are unable to fully trust their partners, or mistakenly believe that control equals love.

Therefore, what are the classic signs of controlling in a relationship? It is important to note that these signs can vary among different people, but there are several red-flags that can help one determine whether or not his or her partner is attempting to control the relationship.

- Extreme jealousy

Small amounts of jealousy in a relationship might be considered almost normal. Often, when one partner fails to experience even the slightest pangs of jealousy from time to time, the other may be lead to believe that he or she is indifferent to the relationship. However, jealousy is an emotion that, when taken to extremes, can cause a romance to quickly deteriorate. For example, controlling individuals may become so jealous that they do not allow their partners to have friends of the opposite sex. They might falsely accuse their partners of cheating, and they become enraged if there is any indication whatsoever that someone else finds their partner attractive. In the most extreme cases, these individuals try to keep their partner completely to themselves; cutting them off from even their closest relatives. This is all done in an effort to control their partner to the point where they are able to quell their own fears that their significant other will either stop loving them, or worse, leave them for another. However, they fail to realize that, in reality, this type of behavior only drives their partners away.

- Decision-making

Controlling individuals also fall into the unhealthy practice of making all their partner's decisions for them. They tell them what type of clothes to wear, what kind of hairstyle they should have, and, in the worst cases, what their interests should be. In reality, the controllers attempt to deny the other person their right to be an individual. They try to force their partners to conform to the standards that they have set for them,

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