by Maria C Collins

Created on: May 28, 2009   Last Updated: June 05, 2009

Some people just sap your energy. They are always having a crisis, usually of their own making, and they tell you about every single detail, ad nauseum. Their lives are full of drama which they keep at boiling point. They are generally negative people and are skilled at making you feel responsible for their happiness. They are always the victim of a cruel World and cruel people; nothing is ever their fault it is always somebody else that is to blame in any situation. They demand much of you whether you are a friend or a relative and they play mind games. They can stress you out so much that you fall ill and they do not have the right to do so. There are a number of ways to deal with these people.

One way of dealing with them is to keep your distance or cut them out of your life altogether. This is not always possible especially with a relative, but you can limit the amount of time you spend with them.

Pick and choose when you deal with this person, do not try to do so when you are not at your best. You need to be strong to deal with this person so pick the times when you are feeling strong to make contact with them.

Do not engage in their dramas, if they get little feedback or reaction, they will stop trying to involve you in their games.

Be non-committal, when they tell you about their latest crisis make sympathetic but non-committal noises. If they continue to go on and on about it, make an excuse to get away and do not allow it. If you are on the telephone or the net you can always say that visitors have arrived or that you need to take something out of the oven. If they turn up unannounced you may have to tell them that you are just on your way out or even not answer the door at all.

Do not be too available, either use your answer phone or caller id facility or get someone else to answer the telephone and say you are busy or out.

You have to set the boundaries for this person since they have none of their own. They do not have the right to endanger your health or happiness. It is difficult when the person is a relative and you may have to decide and accept that although you may love them a great deal sometimes you do not like them very much. Limit the contact that you have with them and always ensure that any contact is on your terms and not on theirs. Do not allow their negativity to exhaust or drain your emotional strength and make you ill. You have a duty to yourself.

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