by Jan Wright

Created on: May 28, 2009   Last Updated: July 27, 2009

A woman is not asexual. She does not have all of the ingredients at her disposal to produce a child independently of some type of male assistance. When a child is created, a male should assume the same responsibility as the female. After all, the woman did not create the child herself. It is time

to start holding the father responsible." this mantra is chanted by many feminist child support advocates. they remind us how essential the male is in creating a child. I certainly do not disagree with this. In fact,

I firmly support dual responsibility. However, supporters of strict support laws are often also supporters of a "woman's choice to choose." They want it

both ways. If the mother decides to keep the child, then, they want the father to take responsibility of the child: financially and physically. If the

woman does not want the child, the man is suppose to tacitly ignore any paternal feelings and support the woman, because it is her body first and she bares much of the physical responsibility for nine months. The woman can not give and take responsibility from the father when it is convenient for her. Either he is responsible and thereby, has an active say in the existence of a fetus. Or, the woman assumes all responsibility and he has no active say nor does he have an obligation to the fetus that the woman carries.

Two people have created this life. With either of the contributions, the life would not exist. Since both are responsible for creating and maintaining it

then each should have an equal say in the decisions that surround this life. Fathers are encouraged to spend time with their children, support them financially, socially and emotionally and play an active role in their development. In fact, we chide fathers for not being emotionally connected to their children. We, as women, say that we want them to become more paternally oriented.

When actually does that "development," begin? Women can not ask fathers to become involved caring parents only when it is convenient for them. We can not control if and when a male develops feelings for the fetus. We can not control a father's emotional and financial involvement. Furthermore, by shutting them out of these decisions, we are, in essence telling them that they are not capable of making such sensitive decisions and that their feelings

over the matter are: at best inappropriate and unwanted and at worst, insincere. Women, are in effect, telling men if and when they should feel a bond with what

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