them on his own, kids of this age can talk on their cell phones (if they have free nights and weekends, or if they "save up" prepaid time), and they can talk over the Internet.

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Older teens, however, are at an age when homework can count more than ever; and when other responsibilities have usually increased as well. As with younger kids, parents should keep an eye that responsibilities are not being neglected in favor of talking of the phone. It may be reasonable enough for a teen to clean his room after he talks to his friend, but if the room isn't cleaned within a reasonable amount of time that changes the picture.

With older teens who only have Internet service and cell phones because parents are paying for it, setting up a few simple rules can be fairly easy: "If the homework isn't getting done I'm keeping the phone until I stop getting notices from the school that isn't." Even when kids have worked to pay for their own phones, it is still reasonable for parents to address the matters of homework and responsibilities, even if they aren't holding the "purse strings" (or perhaps a more appropriate metaphor would be, "phone charger").

Even with older teens, parents should keep in mind that some are more mature than others. Some may still need those long conversations with friends. Also, sometimes it really is better if a son or daughter decides to stay home and talk once in a while, rather than "hanging out" every, single, day or night.

Still, older teens aren't like younger ones, who are at the mercy of their age and inability to have much of outside life while also being a little too old for "play-with-toys" lifestyle. For older teens, it can be less of an "emotional hardship" to have parents reclaim the family phone line and expect the older teen to figure out how to make phone calls other than using the family phone.

Besides calls involving long conversations, there is another way kids of any age may use the phone too much. That is with lots and lots of short, pointless, phone calls. (It isn't just kids who do this, so parents should evaluate whether they are guilty of this behavior, often associated with cell phones.) Parents need to teach kids that phone calls should have a purpose, whether that purpose is to make plans, have a good conversation, or to report emergencies. Being a person who always has a phone in his hand, or plastered against an ear, for no real reason or purpose is neither polite nor the best use of one's own or someone else's time.

Whether it's a child of ten or sixteen, calling other people all through the day is making a pest of oneself; and kids need to know this, just as they need to know about refraining from any number of behaviors that involve making a pest of oneself (or otherwise acting impolitely).

An important consideration in determining how much is too much is also the potential hazards of cell phones. Kids making their long calls over the family land line and a phone with a cord don't face that potential, uncertain, risk associated with using a cell phone.

"Too much time on the phone" really is very much in the eye of individual parents (and elder sisters' boyfriends). Before parents consider making new rules or taking away phone privileges, they need to first consider why it is they believe their son or daughter is talking on the phone too much, and whether or not the phone use is detracting from, or adding to, the child's life.

Learn more about this author, Lisa H Warren.
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