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Having lived with three preteen girls, I can assure you that it's no walk in the park. However, I did live to tell about it and currently have one adult and two full-blown teenage girls that are lovely young people. They are all individuals, with their own unique personalities and character traits. None of them are the same as the next and their preteen years were a dinstinct reflection of their differences. Each of my daughters went through the adolescent years differently, but they were all astonishingly difficult.

There were many times during these periods that I thought they'd never come through it in one piece. For that matter, I didn't always think that I would, either. But then, just when I was about to fall down from mental and emotional exhaustion, they would do something or say something so incredibly sweet and kind that I remembered the little girls I loved so dearly. It was a rollercoaster ride that, thankfully, only lasted a few years. By the third go round, I had learned some helpful things that I can now share with you. It didn't make it my favorite phase of their lives still, but it did get us both through it with a bit less heartache and stress.

*Remember that phyiologically your daughter is going through many changes. Hormones are raging in that she is not used to dealing with, yet she still doesn't possess the maturity to know how to. Her brain is still developing, as it will be throughout her teen years. You must try to understand that many of the things she says to you, she doesn't really mean. This is no time for you to get over-sensitive. Your daughter will need you to be strong and stable for her, while she is feeling everything changing.

*Listen to her when she talks, Don't ask too many questions or be judgmental about the things she is disclosing to you. Too much input from you is a sure way to shut down the communication. She needs to know that you are available to hear her out. She wants to share her feelings so that a portion of the weight is shared, but she is not usually looking for advice or judgments.

*Educate her ab out the changes her body will be undergoing. It can be very scary for a preteen to begin her menstrual cycle if she doesn't expect it and know what will be happening. She also needs to be instructed about how to remain sanitary and fresh during this time, as well as how to properly use and dispose of either pads or tampons so that she doesn't end up in an embarrassing situation. Her body may also go through developments that cause her a bit of pain or discomfort. Her breasts might become tender and her periods might be accompanied by strong cramping. If she understands these things, she will be better able to cope with them.

*If you haven't already, it is time to have the talk about the "birds and the bees". Boys and the prospect of dating will move to the forefront of her mind. Even if you've discussed these things before, it is good to have a refresher course.

*Be patient and as understanding as possible. Remember that this, too, will pass, and she will one day wake up the same girl that you remember, only in a different, more mature, body. Things will go back to normal as she grows up and you will both be able to look back and laugh one day at the drama you are going to endure for a time. Memories will be made and she will, with your help, become a wonderful young woman.

Learn more about this author, Victoria Tiegert.
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