One of the hardest things to learn in life is picking your own battles. You could either become someone who steers away from all confrontation, or you become someone that is confrontational about everything. Someone once said that honesty is the best policy, but learning to balance that honesty can be challenging. So how do we pick our battles and face the dreaded confrontations?

Confrontation is one of the most stressful and difficult things for most people. They will go to great lengths to avoid confrontation. This is the natural nature of people. The fear of a blow out argument, losing friends or family, and something far worse always race through your mind. In truth it is all in the approach.

Many people who do confront others will be on a more opposite extreme. They will make comments and tell you that they are just being honest. These words can often be hurtful and may damage the true results of the confrontation. Many of these types often wonder why it is that nobody seems to listen to what they have to say. Again we are faced with approach.

To balance situations you must first decide what is truly important to discuss and what really is just being picky and can be let go. Talking to a few people I was surprised at how many said they could not pick their battles and leave little things be. It was as if some of them thrive on the negative aspect and have little interest in being happy. After asking further questions it became clear that most people who felt they could not pick their battles is due to feeling like the other party was not responding or listening to them.

If you are in a situation where there is a need for a confrontation there is a way to go about doing this without the drama. It takes practice but will be very effective for you. It is all in the approach.

Don't just react. Reaction is one of the first things that cause large arguments. Reaction is emotional and many times hurtful things are said as part of the confrontation. This is not effective. Take a minute gather your thoughts and tell that person you need to talk.

Opinion and fact although seem close are often mostly perception. So stating facts should have no opinion or emotion. However, your opinion does matter so when offering up opinion use statements like, I feel, or I believe. These types of statements take the harshness out of your words but still have the emotional element. It is important to stress what is making you angry without stating your opinion as fact.

Many times in these situations you will find that the way the other person saw things may be very different than how you saw things. This is not a bad thing but just the way the information filters in peoples heads. Express how you feel and if compromise cannot be fully reached at that time then let them take the time to really think about what was said.

Often you will find that calm, organized, and non reacting confrontation is easier on everyone and will save you many hours, days, and even years of agony.

Learn more about this author, Melissa Aytche.
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