by Trisha Church

Created on: May 27, 2009

KICKING THE HABIT

Once upon a time, long ago, I spent five years of my life in the convent, trying to become holy. Toward the end of the fifth year, I wasn't even as holy as a slice of swiss cheese and I wasn't so sure I wanted to be a nun anymore either. What's more, the altar boys were beginning to look pretty good to me. Hmmm...

Anyway, one Sunday, while having breakfast in the refectory with about eighty other nuns, a young nun came up to my table to inform me that our Franciscan Chaplain wished to see me. I was very surprised, because out of all these sisters, why did he want to see me? I wasn't that important, I was sure.

Upon entering his office, the brown-frocked friar greeted me. "Oh there you are, Sister," he said, as he ushered me in.

"Hello, Father", I bowed slightly.

"Mother tells me you are on the list of those sisters who are leaving the convent."

Upon hearing this, I almost 'kicked the habit' then and there, I was so surprised.

"Why Father", I stammered, "I never told anyone I wanted to leave!" And this was true.

Although I was definitely considering it, I really hadn't said anything out loud. Was I being booted out? After all, I was reprimanded by the Mistress of Junior Professed for asking too many questions that were upsetting the other nuns. But was that just cause?

These thoughts were still teasing my brain when a woman, who is ordinarily very, very, very busy elsewhere and can't be disturbed, does in fact, appear in the hall-way - Mother Superior.

"Why, hello Mother!" says Father, "Sister, here, says she's not on the list of the sisters leaving."

"But Father", says Mother, "There must be some mistake".

"Sister", Mother turns to me, regarding me with a look of concern, "See me in my office after breakfast."

So I did. In her office, sitting there in a daze, I waited.

"Sister, are you happy here?"

"No, Mother", I replied truthfully.

"Well, when do you want to leave?"

I fiddled nervously with my rosary beads. My mind was racing. Visions of sugarplums danced in my head. Doors seemed to be opening.

"Tuesday" I said, nervously.

Mother replied with a compassionate smile, "Very well."

So that was that. I still don't know how it was all set into motion.

Anyway, soon after that, for better or worse, I also left the Church.

For reasons of my own, I said I'd never go back.

After a few years, however, a cosmic joke landed on my head when I met and married a man named Church.

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