by Simon Wright

Created on: May 26, 2009

Most novels, no matter what genre, contain an element of romance and the writer is often faced with that difficult moment when their protagonists finally throw off their inhibitions and jump between the sheets. It is a difficult moment for writers, not necessarily due to any sense of prudery, but rather because of the fear of making a ham-fisted attempt at writing a love scene.

Fight scenes suddenly seem easy by contrast; you long for the comfort of writing about the cut and thrust of sword play but break into a sweat at the thought of having to describe more intimate exchanges between your characters. At the back of your mind, you may even dread the prospect of being nominated for the annual Bad Sex awards; you know that it's usually professional authors that they target but maybe your love scene is so bad that they'll extend their net to include amateur writers this year.

Indeed, when providing advice on how to write a good love scene, it is probably salutary to look at what causes writers to end up with a nomination for the Literary Review Bad Sex awards. By understanding the various faux pas that writers make, we can hopefully avoid making the same mistakes. You can see it as a don't do this guide to writing romance scenes.

Don't be pompous or attempt to be overly intellectual:

The winner of the 2003 Bad Sex award was author Aniruddha Bahal. His novel, Bunker 13, included the following literary atrocity: "She's taking off her blouse. It's on the floor. Her breasts are placards for the endomorphically endowed."

Don't use clumsy metaphors to try to explain what the couple are doing:

Bahal worked hard to win his Bad Sex award. In the same passage of Bunker 13, he starts to use car-related metaphors, climaxing (sorry, couldn't resist that!) with this bit of text: "She picks up a Bugatti's momentum. You want her more at a Volkswagen's steady trot. Squeeze the maximum mileage out of your gallon of gas. But she's eating up the road with all cylinders blazing. You lift her out. You want to try different kinds of fusion." It's probably a bit unfair to pick on Bahal but this is a particularly cringe-worthy piece of writing

Don't be overly crude (less is more):

Unless you're writing for the erotica genre, then your readers don't need a gynacalogical lesson. Always think about what the purpose of the scene is. It shouldn't just be gratuously thrown in for titilation's sake. The chances are that you're including it to show an important stage in the couple's relationship or an important emotional point in your novel. Make sure, then, that the scene conveys this importance and remember that you can imply extreme passion without having to resort to a total listing of body parts.

The prospect of having to write a love scene is enough to make many writers get palpitations. Maybe, though, you can use this to your benefit. Think of the emotions and fears that go through people's heads when they are getting entangled in emotional attachments. Often the best love scenes are ones where the real drama is in the lead up to the actual "action". The writer portrays how nervous one or both of the characters is, how they have carefully planned the evening and fret when things don't go to plan. Often, the skilled writer won't expend much time on what actually happens between the sheets, as they have realized that the real tension and drama happens both before and after the love-making.

Finally, if nothing else, you can console yourself by checking out some of the winners and nominated passages from previous years of the Bad Sex awards!

Sources:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2003/dec/04/awardsan dprizes.badsexaward

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Literary_Review

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