by Mac a'Bhaird

Created on: May 26, 2009

How A Mockingbird Saved My Life

I have had more than one epiphany or turning points in my life. This was the first that I can recall.

It is said that girls are sugar and spice and everything nice, boys are puppy dog tails and things that smell. I smelled really bad. I honestly don't know why I did some of the things that I did as a kid; I do know my folks were at a loss as to what to do with me; even so, what I am about to relate, my parents had no idea about. It was a drama that played out in my own private life.

The most I can make out of it is that I had some insecurity as a child, and for some strange reason cruelty to animals gave me some pathetic power, or so I thought. Twisted as it is, as a child I thought the only way I could 'enjoy' an animal was to catch it and to dominate it. I cannot explain it; a squirrel or chipmunk or bird, if they were free to scurry about, to me they were laughing at me. How can I catch it? If I catch it, I will make it suffer then I will kill it. Any bird was a target for my BB gun.

And then one particular summer day, outside, sitting on a limb on a tree, a mockingbird was singing away in celebration of the day. I reached for my BB gun and took careful aim at the unsuspecting bird singing his heart out. I let fly one single mortal shot; one small copper BB hit it's intended mark, the heart of the mockingbird. I heard the thud. The singing stopped immediately. He fell like a rock to the ground. I ran up to it and saw the deep crimson red blood oozing out of the wound. I realized that bird will never ever sing again.

Something happened to me looking down at the dead bird. What had I accomplished by my domination? The emptiness was excruciating. The silence was deafening. It was also defining. I would harbor remorse and regret for the rest of my life. I vowed that day, that this mockingbird would not die in vain.

Today, over 50 years later every time I hear a bird sing or twitter or caw, I remember that mockingbird. I have been true to my promise. Each bird I see has a new beauty to me; it's the beauty of life; the beauty of nature, the beauty of freedom. Each blue jay, mockingbird, crow, sparrow, kildee, red winged blackbird, screech owl, hawk, and numerous other birds that I become distinctly aware of, reminds me of my vow. Life and nature is freedom and beauty; dominance is but cruelty and emptiness. Listen to the mockingbird! The more it carries on, the more fascinating it is. Let the birds laugh at me. I am laughing too, thanks to a mockingbird that saved my life.

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