by Alexandra Tooley

Created on: May 25, 2009   Last Updated: May 30, 2009

Am I an alcoholic? Yes, as much as I hate to say it, I am and will always be an alcoholic. I can never have just one drink, for that leads to another and another and another until I black out and pass out. This disease is a scary thing, but it can be managed with will power and support from others.

The disease crept up on me over a number of years. I had drank occasionally in high school, but nothing too major, just a few nights out with friends here and there. Mad Dog 20/20 was our drink of choice and we did drink to excess, but it was so infrequently I thought nothing of it. After high school I was totally sober during my first few years of college, which I realise is quite an unusual thing! On my 21st birthday my friends took me out and made me do the birthday ritual of shots at every bar we went to. After waking up terribly hungover and having to be at work at five in the morning I vowed never to drink again.

Then, my senior year of college everything changed. I had gotten fired from a job one day with no explanation and so I went out with my friends and decided to drink. From that night on I was no longer the designated driver and went out just as much if not more often than my friends. I also began using other drugs like coke and Ecstasy along with the alcohol.

That was how I began my love affair with alcohol. It ended on Memorial Day 2006 when I was pulled over by an officer for having my license plate light out. Since 2001 I had already been arrested for DUI twice, so when I saw the lights go on behind me my stomach dropped and I knew it was over. I was taken to jail and posted a ten thousand dollar bond. I had one week before I went back to court to plead and during that week I used every drug imaginable and drank a lot. When I went in for sentencing the judge gave me the maximum nine months and took me into custody immediately for he felt me to be a danger to myself or others. He was probably right.

After being in jail for a couple of weeks I realised I might be pregnant, which I was. It was fortunate that I had been arrested when I did or I could have harmed my unborn daughter along with myself. This shocked me and made me take a long hard look at my life and what role alcohol was playing in leading to my self destruction. From that day on I knew I was an alcoholic and that I needed to change. Now I have my beautiful healthy daughter, a job and friends and family. These are the reasons I stay sober

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