by Cindi Clarke

Created on: May 25, 2009   Last Updated: May 26, 2009

I have a friend I have known for over a year. I met my friend at work, and our friendship started as emails discussing database issues. When we started working together, my assumption was that friend was gender A because of the name on the signature and I did not question that or what my friend's orientation or preference was or whether or not my friend was happy being that.

While I would like all my friends to be happy, my friendships aren't defined or built on gender, orientation or preferences. As far as I knew, no one ever chose to be my friend because I was this or that, at least not since pre-school when my mom picked my play dates.

One day my friend signed an email with a different first name, and so I emailed back and asked if my friend had suddenly entered the witness protection program. We had a good laugh and then my friend explained about the transition process to go from gender A to gender C and how unhappy my friend had been previously.

I have to admit that I grew up pretty naive about gender choices, orientations, and preferences. It just was not something my parents discussed, and while I had typical adolescent curiosities, it never went beyond that. There had been times when I was self-conscious of my appearance or body, but it was never an issue where I felt like I was trapped in the wrong body. I was just me, and never considered that anyone else would ever want to be something other than what they just were.

Because of this new friendship, however, gender issues suddenly became a frequent topic of discussion between us. Questions and answers flew as I tried to understand what my friend was feeling and experiencing, and as we discussed changes that were beginning to occur from the new hormones that were part of the transition process.

I had thought that as a 40-something person who had been married and divorced, I knew pretty much all there was to know about gender issues and personality differences. I read the whole Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus book and while I could see the communication differences in my relationships with family and spouses, it was fascinating to watch as my friend switched sides and was learning about the new team.

My friendship with this person has opened my eyes, and my mind, to who I am. While I am happy with myself and my body, I am even more aware of the differences and similarities that we all have. You may have noticed that I haven't defined whether my friend was female or male when we first met, and I did that on purpose because it really shouldn't matter. All that really matters is that they are my friend.

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