by Virginia L. Allen

Created on: May 25, 2009

Effective communication is the key to any successful relationship. So much more so is this true for couples. However, for one reason or another, many couples have run into communication barriers, that have presented major problems and concerns for them.

There are at least six major communication problems faced by couples of all types. These include, but are not limited to:

* Different Communication Techniques.

It's a fact of life, men and women communicate differently. It's no wonder the phrase was coined, "men are from Mars, women are from Venus."

Men tend to communicate with the purpose of solving the problem at hand. Whereas, women tend to communicate with the purpose of simply finding an outlet for expressing their feelings.

More often then not, women aren't looking for the solution to the problem at that moment, they just want their feelings and concerns listened to.

* Communicating Without Really Listening.

Both men and women do it. We are so eager to get our point across, that we fall into the trap of talking without listening. We may hear the words coming out of our partners mouth, but hearing and listening aren't the same.

While one can actually hear what is being said; even while they are speaking, it takes being silent and making eye contact to begin actively listening to what's truly being said.

* The Silent Treatment.

Although such a reaction is extremely childish, we've all been guilty of it at least once in our adult life. Whether it's motivated by anger, disappointment, or stubbornness, resorting to the silent treatment is just one of the biggest communication problems faced by couples.

* Fixation On Winning An Argument.

No one person is right all of the time. However, when one's ideas, opinions, or feelings are placed above the opinions of others, winning the argument takes precedent over finding an effective solution.

* Outside Influences.

Whether it be friends, family members, or acquaintances, constantly involving outside opinions, is a recipe for disaster, Although these may be well meaning individuals, and the advice is coming from a "good place", it can often complicate (or add to the complication) the problems even further.

*Being Dishonest.

"Honesty is the best policy", so goes the old adage. Especially is this so in a relationship. Once couples start lying to each other, the structure and the fabric of the relationship is compromised.

As Rollo May so eloquently put it, "Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing." It is for this very reason, that couples need to determine what their biggest communication problems are, and work at making the necessary changes.

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