by Coral Roberts

Created on: May 24, 2009

I don't really know how to begin this story. If you have ever read any of my stories you will know this is unusual. I write at the drop of a hat.
But this story is dealing with my mortality.
I have been diagnosed with cancer.
I don't think I ever though that I would get cancer but I have.
For some reason I am not frightened. Mortality is not a big issue with me. I have a strong spritual base and enough events in my life that I know there is an after life.

That being said I am afraid. I have been suffering a great deal of pain for months now and had a doctor that did not know what to do. She addressed what was wrong from the wrong approach and several precious months are gone along with my chances.
I have had many tests and found a couple of great doctors.
Today it hit home what my fears are and my resentments and regrets.
I because so ill today. I go into what I can my pain and I can not function. The pain is getting worse.
I had to go home after only two and a half hours. I can not tell sometimes when It is going to hit me.
I suffer from one to four hours then I get so exhausted.I don't want to live this way.
I am facing surgery and perhaps radiation. I draw the line at Kemo.
My mom died of the after effects of treatment for cancer. The treatment was a success but it killed her.
I want the last months of my life to have some quality. If its gone too far I will contact the Cancer Treatment Centers of America. They have a wonderful reputation and what ever needs to be done I will do but with the limitations I have set.
I have had some amazing support. I didn't know what the people at work especially my bosses would say or do. I don't think of cancer as something to be ashamed of and feel that the people in my life have a right to know what is going on.
I could not have asked for be better reaction or support from my bosses. They were just wonderful. They have given me all the time I have needed,they let me leave when I am in pain, and ask what they can do to help me, and assure me I will keep my job.
The people I work with have been great as well They have been supportive and loving. They have offered to help me and help with my pets while I am going though all this.
My friends are another story. They are scared. They love me. One of my dearest friends is very ill himself and he understands how debilitating pain is and supports my choices. He loves me but lives a few hours away and was sure I was in the hospital when he could not get a hold of me the other night.

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