by Mary Tyrer

Created on: May 24, 2009

The first day I met him I knew he was special. We shared wonderful times together for a more than a few years. Things came between us; of us could help, either stop, or completely understand. We lost our way, but no matter what we remained friends. It was hard on me, I was ill and I often wondered if my disability was the reason, we could not be together. However, deep in my heart I knew the real reason we had to go our separate ways. He did not want to hurt me by telling me my children and my ex was interfering in the life we were trying to share together, but I knew.

For years we stayed in touch, I am sure I stayed more attached to him than he did to me. In passing once in awhile, he would say something about a woman he was dating, and one time I came to visit over the holidays and was shocked to learn he had just broken off an engagement. He was going to get married! I had no clue! I have to say I was hurt, we had been apart for almost three years by then, but it still hurt a lot!

As for me, I never dated at all. A psychologist told me that he was my first love. Imagine that, after two marriages, 6 boys later and at 40, I had met my first love. I had to agree since no other man had ever affected me in such a way. This man was special, the most giving, understanding, loving, caring man or person for that matter I had ever met in my life. In the five years we spent apart (seeing each other on occasion) not one day went by that I did not think about him. We spoke on the phone at least once a month when we drifted apart, or when he was dating someone, or more like once a week or every two weeks and we could always talk about anything. My life was hard and usually it was his shoulder I leaned on, he never complained he was always there to support me through whatever tragedy I happened to be going through at that moment.

I know he never believed or maybe even ever wanted to be with me again. On the other hand, everyone I knew or became friends with knew about him, knew I loved him and respected him with everything I had inside me. I would tell them how wonderful he was and how much I loved him and how I prayed every night that someday we would be a couple again. Part of me did not believe it could really happen, but a voice kept telling me never give up. I never pushed myself on him, well when we first split up I did I was devastated.

Very recently, we have found one another again, I am home, he is even more wonderful then I even remembered and I am the happiest person in the world. My biggest worry is that I cannot bring him the same level of happiness he brings me. I do not have as much to offer him, all I have is myself and I worry that will never be enough when he gives me the world every time he looks at me. For me all we have been through and have found our way back to one another is the meaning of true love.

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