by Pat Gray

Created on: May 23, 2009   Last Updated: June 07, 2009

For most couples, sex is essential to the success of a committed relationship, and experts believe that a healthy sex life can improve a person's health in general and can increase longevity too. However, in too many relationships, one or both partners are just plain sick of sex.

Why is the most intimate act of love a boring, tedious chore for so many people? And how can we make sex a joyous celebration again? Here are ten common reasons our sex lives are unsatisfactory, along with a few common sense suggestions for making things exciting again.

1) Same old, same old
After years, or even months, any repetitive act can become routine and boring, including sex. For some people, there's a certain level of comfort to doing the same thing every time - for others, variety and exploration is a necessity.

Solution: Sex shouldn't become a set routine and it shouldn't be a chore like doing the dishes or mowing the lawn. Even when you mow the lawn, it's good for the grass if you go clockwise or diagonally once in a while. Spice things up, even a little - change rooms, change your schedule, change clothes, change the side of the bed you sleep on.

2) You want me to do WHAT!
The flip side - one partner is more adventurous or has a higher sex drive, and the other partner gets fed up with unusual requests and/or constant demands for sex. Sex stops being enjoyable when one person can't keep up with the other's tastes or appetites.

Solution: Compromise. At the start of a relationship, adventure is a big part of what makes sex fun and exciting, but partners must agree on what is an enjoyable adventure. Returning to the wooing of the early days - both partners, not just one - can rekindle the spark of creativity and frequency.

3) Resentment, Frustration and Anger
Even the healthiest relationships have arguments that can boil over into the bedroom. Often you aren't aware there is a problem until your partner snuggles up with those come-hither eyes, and you realize you just want to sock him in the nose.

Solution: The old adage, "never go to bed angry" is a wise one. Find the time to talk over problems every day and try to share the good things as well as the bad, before you head to bed.

4) Distractions, Part I - Family Matters
Children, finances, household chores, relatives, and friends or neighbors can be distractions to an otherwise healthy sex life. Kids get sick, there are money worries, laundry and yard work, extended families and friends interfering or hanging around after they've worn

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