by Ann Hinds

Created on: May 23, 2009   Last Updated: October 03, 2009

You are in the judge's chambers. You sign the paperwork and if the child is old enough, they sign too. The new birth certificate will show you as the parents. There is no record of the birth parents. This is your new child.

If you were lucky, you held this same child when he was minutes old. You waited a long time to be a grandparent. Now, circumstances have changed the dynamics. The coveted role of grandparent is off the table.. You are the parent. All the preconceived ideas of being a grandparent have changed.

In a traditional family, grandchildren are spoiled and returned to parents. Grandchildren go to Grandma's house and spend a week or two doing the things that parents never seem to have time to do. Grandchildren get to travel with their grandparents.

In the new family, grandchildren go to school, play sports, and have rules and deadlines just like every other child. School and sports schedules now rule your life. The difference is that the same grandparents whose role was to spoil and return, must now parent.

It is a balancing act. The rules for parents and grandparents are not different when raising a child. It is important to insure that the children are happy and well rounded. Monitoring school behavior and the choice of friends does not change. If the child is interested in sports, then parental involvement is necessary.

So what changes? Grandparents no longer have the option to step back and be the grandparent only. Decisions made must be at the parental level. Discipline must be fair and infractions must be dealt with. Homework cannot be overlooked and chores need to be done. Traditional grandparents do not make their grandchildren put their clothes in the washing machine. Adoptive grandparents do. Toys and goodies often appear at Grandma's house. In the adoptive home, toys are earned or for special occasions and goodies create a sugar high that makes bedtime impossible.

Traditional grandparents do not need to be up on the latest technology or the latest music. Adoptive grandparents have to be more aware. Today's world is very different and grandparents need to be informed. "Computer savvy" is no longer just a buzzword. You need to know who Hannah Montana is or who the Jones Brothers are.

When you adopt your grandchild, there is a history. There are moments when you wish it would go away but that never happens. You have this child for reasons that made it impossible for your child to be the parent. In most cases, you will still have to deal your child and their story. It can be exhausting, but the trade-off is that your grandchild is happy and safe. What grandparents provide is a stable, loving relationship that their birth parents could not.

At night, it does not matter why you are raising your grandchild. When you put them to bed, you get to be the grandparent. You read them a story. You tickle or have a pillow fight. This is grandparent time. You do not have to deal with the rules. This child is the child of your child. You hug them a little closer and love them a little more. This is the best thing we have ever done and we cannot imagine life without him.

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