by Antonia Anderson

Created on: May 23, 2009   Last Updated: May 29, 2009

Sex is the very heart of our human expression of intimacy. In the cloud-walking phase, we can't get enough of it when we're together. And when we're apart we spend our time daydreaming of their hair, their smooth skin, their warm lips...

Then we realize we haven't done it for a month. Even more surprisingly, we haven't wanted to. Come to think of it, we'd rather do anything but. Sex...sure, honey, right after I finish organizing my toothpick collection and clipping my toenails.

Has the spark been snuffed as irrevocably as a wet cellphone battery? Not necessarily. There are many reasons why one or both lovers get sick of sex-and just as many solutions. Lack of sexual desire may be a symptom of a deeper issue. Fix the issue, and the symptoms will vanish also. Before closing that shared bank account, take some time to explore these ten possible reasons and their solutions.

1. Financial worries

Problem: Fretting about finances is a real mood-killer. If one partner doesn't want to share responsibility for finances, the other partner can feel abandoned, isolated-and definitely not in the mood for sex.
Solution: Simplify your lifestyle or re-program your spending habits. As a couple, meet with a financial therapist or check out online help strategies such as consciousbookkeeping.com or mint.com. Once you feel in control of your finances and are pulling together as a team, romance will have the chance to blossom again.

2. Job-related stress

Problem: one or both partners are pulling long hours. When you finally collapse into bed, sex is the last thing on your mind. Or maybe your hours are fine-it's the manipulative co-workers or micromanaging boss who's making your blood pressure rise.
Solution: share your woes instead of shutting each other out. Is a job really worth the cost of intimacy? Don't assume your partner needs or wants you to stay in a job you hate. When both partners feel fulfilled and productive in the workplace, you're more likely to want to get steamy in your leisure time.

3. Loss of trust

Problem: For some reason, the basic foundation of trust has been shaken. Maybe one partner cheated, lied or deliberately hurt the other. You've made it up and agreed to stay together, but something just doesn't feel right in bed anymore.
Solution: Don't expect a breach of trust to heal overnight. Be gentle with each other. Even if you've expressed forgiveness, deep down resentments may be stifling your desire. Individual therapy or some time apart may help.

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