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Low self-esteem is an issue that affects many people and can lead to depression, a diminished quality of life and in extreme cases even suicide. Extreme examples of low self-esteem are often found in survivors of abusive relationships. Whether the abuse was physical or emotional, from a family member or spouse, the results are typically the same. Abuse victims lose all sense of self-worth and blame themselves for the way they have been treated. They believe years of negative comments about themselves and often will need to undergo extensive behavioral therapy in order to start to regain their self-esteem.

Although low self-esteem is a problem for both genders, it tends to effect women more than men. When young women enter adolescence, they are bombarded with media images of the perfect woman. She is thin and sexy without being skanky, feminine but confident. The perfect female package appears to a young girl to be comprised of a thousand often-contradictory characteristics. Self-esteem is further hindered for young women by the fact that the most confident girls are often the victims of girl bullying and aggression. It is often safer to have poor self-esteem than it is to be the girl who "thinks she's all that".

This is not to say that low self-esteem is not a problem for men, but a man who shows confidence is typically thought of as desirable, or at the very worst is called "cocky", which still isn't an altogether negative label. Also, men tend to be valued for many things, including their abilities, talents, athletic prowess, brains, achievements, as well as their looks. Whereas women may be valued for these things in some circles, the overwhelming message is still that they had better be thin and good-looking and if they are too smart or successful they will not be desirable.

Regardless of whether you're a male or a female, recovering from low self-esteem means getting to the root of the problem. Everyone who suffers from low self-esteem has to have received negative messages from someone or something in their lives. Often, especially in extreme cases, there are numerous different people and situations to blame. However, in the end, people who suffer from low self-esteem have internalized of the negativity and have become their own worst enemies. Pinpointing and blaming those at fault will not solve the problem, because they have now become their own tormenters, repeating negative self-talk each and every day.

While most people need some professional help from a therapist in order to identify and change these negative thought patterns, a few very self-aware individuals have been able to do it on their own or by reading helpful books on the topic.

Surrounding yourself with people who are positive, confident and supportive can also be very helpful on your long road to rebuilding self-esteem. It won't happen overnight, but having people around who make you feel good about yourself and bring out the best in you are bound to help speed up the process.

Finally, try not to compare yourself to others or focus on what society or the media says you should be. Life is short, so focus on what you truly want from life and what makes you happy, rather than trying blindly to achieve goals that you many not even truly want. Taking control of your life and your happiness means learning to be your own best friend.

Learn more about this author, Marie Gerber.
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