by Xen

Created on: May 23, 2009   Last Updated: July 08, 2009

Diet Mountain Dew

I signed up for the BzzAgent campaign for Diet Mountain Dew assuming I would soon be getting a couple of coupons for a bottle of the soda and I could test it scientifically through a series of carefully measured and repeatable experiments. Instead of a coupon for a free can or bottle, I received this:

Yes, that's right, two cans of diet caffeinated goodness, wrapped up tight in bubble wrap coffins. I imagine it would have been cheaper to ship the coupons (which were contained within, obscured by the mummy soda), but I only test the product and spread buzz. I am not required to know or care about shipping regulations.

When I informed Melanie of this campaign, she immediately stated plans of mutilating the cans in a variety of ways, testing the aluminum for tensile strength and the ability to conduct sound waves via a length of string. I gathered I would be forking over a few bucks, as two cans would hardly be enough to accommodate her craft needs, but she agreed to actually try the soda before experimenting further.

For the sake of full disclosure, I should state that I happen to like diet soda quite a bit, especially diet soda made by Pepsi. I converted from the corn syrup colas years before and - along with moving out of my parents' house, cooking my own food, and taking vitamins - dropped twenty-five pound effortlessly and in a matter of a couple of months. I occasionally use caffeinated diet sodas as a good way of remaining alert at the Day Job. I do not have phenylketonuria nor the sensitivity to aspartame that afflicts one of my siblings and, after thoroughly researching claims on the internet, consider it utter bulk that it is harmful. In deference to Melanie's artistic inclinations, I stock non-caffeinated cola and seltzer (as these will not make her jittery), but like the hard stuff myself. I was a trifle put off by the fact that Mountain Dew earned itself a place in dental vocabulary for causing tooth decay (Mountain Dew mouth), but I was only testing two sugar-free cans and did not feel I was therefore putting my life or oral hygiene at much risk.

Diet Mountain Dew (or, according to the cans and as of late 2008, Mnt Dew, using an abbreviation for "mountain" accepted by no one anywhere so I will ignore it for the rest of this review) happens to have even more caffeine than might be found in my diet colas, which is points in its favor. It had been years since I had tasted Mountain Dew in its sugary glory, but

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