by Wendy Rodley

Created on: May 22, 2009   Last Updated: May 29, 2009

Going off sex is a problem most women in the world and maybe to a lesser degree, men will recognise; the malaise that creeps into a relationship over time that can bring doubt and fear into the most well matched pair, creates uncertainty where there was only togetherness. The beginnings are so exciting, falling into each others' arms happens without constraint and with a joyful lack of self consciousness. Being 'in love' transports us to a place beyond criticism and into a melded state of bliss, no separation, no doubt at all about the perfection of your union. Everything you do together is a pleasure and every part of life from doing the grocery shopping to having candlelit dinners is novel and wonderful. The first few years are an exciting voyage of discovery. I am assuming that the sexual relationship is good to begin with.

1. Low self-esteem.

The first time that one partner turns away is the beginning of the rosy tinted glasses becoming smudged, there is a discordant note where there was only harmony. If, like most people, there is a lack of confidence lurking, a small voice that says you aren't good enough in some way, then defensive behaviour follows like day follows night. The fact that the other person may have had a 'bad hair day' doesn't come into the equation and the loo seat still upright and the knickers over the shower rail become a problem. Criticism creeps in without anyone seeing it approaching from under the bed. The nanosecond between acceptance and separation, that invisible blip, has happened and without honest communication and compromise, two people might begin travelling different roads. 'I am not going to have sex with you until you remember to put the loo seat down'.

2. Selfishness.

In the beginning, maybe you put up with him/her missing the spot more often than finding it, having his/her orgasm while yours waits for the next time, in fact it made you feel good to be giving so much pleasure. The combination of loo seat and giving the perpetrator pleasure might, however, stretch your generosity to breaking point if it becomes too regular an occurrence, sex is longer fun, it becomes a duty.

3. Having a baby.

When the first baby, and subsequent ones arrive on the scene, another danger zone appears. Up until then the mothering and fathering instinct is included as part of the package of love between just the two of you and when the third person arrives, the passion and total commitment that emerges and

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