by B. B. James

Created on: May 22, 2009   Last Updated: May 29, 2009

It's hard to imagine something that people are less likely to admit than that they are not having or enjoying sex. But the truth is that sex drive can ebb and flow just like everything else in our busy lives. In fact, the stresses of everyday living can often overwhelm one's ability to enjoy sex, even sex with a willing and beloved partner. Here are ten common problems that can get in the way of a healthy sex life, and some ideas about how to get back on track.

1. Stress. Whether it's work, money, or children, stress is the single biggest killer of sex drive. Stress is distracting, and it saps both mental and physical energy. Under some circumstances, sex can be a release from stress; but the truth is that, usually, significant stress overrides sex. The solution: Deal with the situation that's causing stress, and the rest will flow. You will even find that sex can help you get back on track as a part of your reward for dealing with stress.

2. Health. Healthy people have more sex. It's a simple fact. When people are ill or even just out of condition, it's difficult to have sex. Depending on the illness, it might even be uncomfortable to have sex. Health problems also can generate stress, thus compounding problems. The solution: Work on your health, though that's sometimes easier said than done.

3. Lack of physical confidence. When people don't feel good about themselves, especially physically, their sex drive is diminished. Almost everybody can find things about their physical appearance that they would like to enhance. But for some people, that frustration over one or two issues is magnified into an overall despondency about appearance. Maybe it's weight, maybe it's skin condition, maybe it's something else. The point is that the lack of confidence will make the person reluctant to get intimate with another person. The solution is two-fold: 1. Work on aspects of your appearance that can be addressed; and 2) Accept yourself as you are.

4. Lack of psychological confidence. Even people who are healthy and attractive might have psychological issues that interfere with healthy sex. For men, it might be an inability to maintain an erection. For women, it might be lack of comfort about being seen naked. Whatever the issue, these types of problems will obviously have a tremendously negative effect on a person's interest in sex. The solution: Again, these issues have to be addressed directly. If it's related to a physical issue, medical treatment might be needed.

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