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What causes resentment in a marriage? Although disagreements over money and the children come to mind, a closer look reveals that these disagreements may be symptoms of a bigger problem. When resentments destroy a marriage, they stem from deeper issues. These issues are associated with codependency, expectations and communication breakdown. If these deeper issues were not to blame, then arguments over finances and parenting would ruin every marriage.

So how do you keep your marriage from being destroyed by built up resentment? How do you know when a simple argument is really a sign that unresolved feelings will eventually boil over to make a mess of the love nest you've created? Keep this mental checklist handy when attempting to resolve conflict so that you can consider the unspoken, underlying issues that keep couples apart. Make a list as you check your marriage for issues of codependency, expectations, and communication that may be sources of resentment working to divide you and your spouse.

Codependency Issues. Codependency is a vary encompassing condition that expresses itself in several distinctlydifferent ways. To understand all the different ways that codependency can manifest itself in a person's behavior, a fairly lengthy lesson would be required. What is important is that,resentments are created by people who say yes when they mean no.

It begins with a request. You are leaving work when a coworker asks for a ride home. He lives in the opposite direction than you are driving. You want to say no. You are tired. You don't have much gas. He may be a smoker who will want to smoke in your vehicle. But you say yes, and agree to give him a ride home. Already you feel uncomfortable in your gut.

If you agree to help someone despite your own discomfort, the result is that you begin to resent the person you are doing the favor for. Codependent people value the needs and desires of their spouse more than themselves. They will ignore their own needs and wants to meet the needs and wants of another person. They will agree to do things that they do not have time to do, or loan money they cannot afford to loan, creating hardship for themselves. The result is resentment that grows because it is never addressed and the behavior continues.

Having Expectations. Never "should" on yourself, and never "should" on anyone else. Expectations are future resentments that have yet to be born. The problem with expectations is that they are built from

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