by Lul Seay

Created on: February 01, 2007   Last Updated: May 14, 2007

Big Eyes...Blue Tears

Pulling my fingers through my hair my head starts to itch and I feel a little uglier now than I did before we met. Still I miss how you'd move through my hair with your nose till your lips barely touched my ear; the air moving sweetly between my ear and your mouth as you tongued the words. Your Downey smell always had a way of seeping through the haze of smoke and sweat, giving me shudders, starting from my thighs up through my hips past my breasts and lightly fluttering down my arms. I guess it's finally sinking in, your absence so thick and cool, taking up its own space in the room.

You were going on about how you liked the way burnt chocolate smells and my hair was tying itself into knots while you spoke. I always found myself mesmerized by the lines above your lips, tracing them with careful detail as you crinkled your mouth around your cigarette. The color of lima beans would have looked nice on the wall behind your head and there I was hating you silently from across the ugly Formica, the idea of your disapproving glance sewing my mouth shut. I could feel the tears pushing against the back of my eyes. I was never good at make believe. You were faking your way effortlessly and I was trying desperately to make it through each excruciating minute. I wore your sweater last night, the threads have been fraying a little at the ends and the colors seem to be merging. Your smell has gone and now it's just me again, and cigarettes. I've been thinking of ways to reach you, the tears come like machine gun bursts and all I can think of is pressing my lips against you. You're distance is intimidating; Formica never seemed so staggering until you were on the other side of it. Standing there looking past myself I realize the end has come and gone. My hair won't tickle you again while I wrap myself snuggly in that perfect little nook your armpit no longer has reserved for me.

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