by Jaye Green

Created on: May 21, 2009   Last Updated: May 22, 2009

Perhaps historically, with the ideas of clans and the importance of belonging, the blood knot was vital to identity. Perhaps there was a time when the family unit was so strong it overwhelmed all other possible connections. But that was then.

Today, most people are closer to their friends and co-workers than their families. In many cases, losing touch with one's family upon adulthood seems more the norm than an aberration.

There seems to be a revolution in comprehension in which people can, without trauma, admit they do not like the members of their family. This is not shocking, and would probably be responded to by "'ditto."

There are many "non-family" input into a child, not only school and church, but also television, Internet and friends, that early on the formation of character becomes divorced from that input by the family. What does the family look like? What about busy parents who are never home? What about those parents who are so young they are still 'living life' ? There are so many competing interests and activities that the children are only one of them, if they are even noticed.

Gone are the days of daddy coming home at five-thirty , Mommy putting dinner on the table and the family sitting and eating together. Now daddy and mommy come home whenever, and the kids are over at a friend's house or being babysat by someone down the road. Now daddy and mommy are watching their favourite program or on the computer, and the kids are to find something else to do, or somewhere else to go.

By the time the child is in High School, the disconnect between parents and children, even between siblings, may be so great that they don't even know each other. The idea of telling one's parents that one was elected to a school office or participated in some activity is rare, except in sports. Which, of course, leads to further disconnects when the parents can not attend the games.

By the time the child is an adult, most his/her life has been outside the home, and they usually move out . Calling 'home' once and a while as a kind of 'duty' becomes the only contact because these people are strangers. They did not intend it to be that way, but that is how it evolved.

One's friends fill all the space, because one's friends have always been there, always been the recipients of one's hopes and fears and traumas and successes.

The only time most families are together are at weddings or funerals. Very often there is not much emotional involvement as one is among strangers.

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