by Andy Shackcloth

Created on: May 21, 2009   Last Updated: May 29, 2009

Both men and women can go off sex. The old myth that men think of nothing else is simply not true, but whichever partner is tired of sex there will be an effect on the other partner. Your partner will be missing the intimacy and fun they previously enjoyed. They may also have strong feelings of loss, rejection and confusion.

Sometimes the initial cause of the trouble is long past but it can be very difficult to restart a sexual relationship. Worst of all is that the both of you can doubt your sexuality and attractiveness. If not dealt with these doubts can lead to resentment, anxiety and eventual relationship problems.

Ten common causes

Difficulty in reaching orgasm. If you always feel unfulfilled afterwards then sex will soon stop having any appeal.

Impotence. Periodic impotence will cause anxiety that makes the problem worse.

Painful intercourse. Previously painful sex either directly from sex or a related joint or muscular problem may cause apprehension.

Medication, alcohol and diet. Any or all of these three can lower your libido, with medications any side effects should be listed in the accompanying leaflet.

Babies and children. Having a baby can cause a long gap in sex which becomes difficult to restart. For some people the whole idea of sex changes after having children.

Low self -esteem or performance issues. If your confidence has been knocked and you don't feel good about yourself then it is very difficult to see yourself as a sexual person.

Relationship issues. If you are carrying concerns about your relationship in your head, then they can block your sexual interest in your partner until they are overcome.

Partner problems. A physical problem like bad breath or an insensitive habit can be enough to turn desire off. A lover may also lack sufficient skill, be too slow or even too energetic.

Fear. There may be strong and even irrational fear of pregnancy or infection.

Lack of variation. No matter how good it was at the start, if there is no variation then sex becomes repetitive and dull.

Finding that loving feeling

Write each other a seductive note. Put in a letter what you would like to do and have your partner do. Write in loving and sexual terms, don't hold back. You will find it is easier to say these things to a piece of paper. Many times just writing a love letter to your partner will awaken your desires without having to hand over the letter. If you are really brave, swap your letters. You will probably have a very pleasant surprise.

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