by Victoria Rose Perkins

Created on: May 21, 2009

Imagine for a moment... what if communication was thought of as a ball we toss to one another? We could toss the ball gently back and forth, or we could throw it with all the force of a wound-up baseball pitcher wanting to win the World Series. If we toss it gently to the other person, they will be better able to "catch" what you say and respond in like manner. Tossing it back to you, they will smile and toss it back just as gently. This is efffective communication at its best.

Now, on the other hand, what if someone throws you an unexpected ball, hard and fast. Your immediate reaction is to defend yourself and anger would be the end result, as soon as you recovered from this unanticipated blow. Is communication effective here? No. Instead there will be resentment, hard feelings and the communicator failed badly in getting his message across.

Effective communication requires one to think before they speak. The goal is to be heard and understood. Following are a few examples of how to communicate effectively.

1. Just as you keep your eye on the ball you toss, you must keep your eye on the one you want to communicate with. Good eye contact denotes genuine sincereity in the other person and sends a silent message, "I care about you."

2. Effective communication means, this is not about winning an argument, its about solving a problem so we can restore good relations again. This is critical in the family arrangement and in close friendships. In arguments, there are no winners. Everyone loses and communication breaks down, sometimes for a long time.

3. Effective communication means you have been able to reach the heart and mind of someone else's thinking and they see your point of view. To this end, we need to watch how we throw that ball.

4. Patience is also required. Some catch on slower than others when we speak, (especially children) and restraint and kindness needs to be shown.

5. There is a right time and a wrong time to toss your ball or words. No one likes to play when they are hungry or tired or stressed out. Communication at this point would not get the best result. Play fair.

Being an effective communicator means being an effective listener, too. Effective communication usually brings good results. Its a wonderful gift we all can have and the more we work at it, the better life gets. One other important thing to possibly keep in mind is, we all came into this world with two ears and only one mouth. That might suggest we listen twice as much as we speak. Or, at least listen intently before we respond. Effective communication enriches our time on this earth with one another. Let's practice playing ball fairly and squarely with each other and enjoy the game!

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