by M.A. Dal Cero

Created on: May 21, 2009   Last Updated: July 25, 2009

Divorce not only affects the immediate family, but also the extended family members of the divorced couple as well. It might be difficult to determine the most appropriate manner in which to deal with the family of your ex, and this is especially true as it pertains to your former mother and father in-law. Unfortunately, the after-effects of a divorce, and the circumstances surrounding it, sometimes changes the way in which you are viewed by these individuals. You may have had a wonderful relationship with them prior to your divorce, but afterward, it could be an entirely different story.

The question of how you should deal with your former in-laws will undoubtedly depend on your situation, and it might become even more complicated when there are children involved. Nevertheless, there are some general rules you can follow in order to ensure that you are behaving in as appropriate a manner as possible with your ex's family, and that you are being treated respectfully in return.

- Attempt to be kind.

We all have very little control over the way other people act toward us, and over what their personal opinions of us might be. However, in cases such as these, it is important to remember that you will feel much better about yourself if you treat your former in-laws with as much kindness and respect as possible; especially if you have children. It also sets a wonderful example for your children when they are able to witness you rise above any disrespect, unfair treatment, or unkind words that are directed at you. However, it is necessary to balance this with the courage and strength to stand up for yourself when any treatment of this sort becomes excessive.

- Accept that the relationship has changed.

It is unfortunate, but divorce does sometimes cause a formerly positive in-law relationship to become either slightly tense, or extremely uncomfortable and unmanageable. This usually depends upon whom your in-laws feel is to blame for your divorce. It is a natural reaction for a parent to want to defend their own child; even when he or she is an adult. You might feel as though all the blame is unfairly being placed on you, and that their opinion of you has changed only because they might not have heard your side of the story. It is possible to attempt to discuss the situation with them, but, if this proves unproductive, then it is often best to simply accept the relationship as it now stands.

- Keep them involved in the lives of your children.

Many times, problems

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