by LK Hunsaker

Created on: May 21, 2009

Of course we know all moms are working moms. If they aren't, if they sit back and do nothing for their children leaving it all to those around them, they are egg donors, not moms. That being the case, how moms choose to work is a personal issue, and often an economic issue. There are moms who have to be out of the house earning a paycheck if they want to keep their children sheltered, fed, and clothed (without relying on welfare, which is another issue) and there are moms staying at homes only because they feel they must. Either case makes for an unhappy mom.

An unhappy mom is an ineffective mom. Given a choice beyond economics or health or demanding spouses (also another issue), women who stay home with their children because that's where they want to be are exactly correct in that it's what they should do. Women who have an outside job because it makes them feel productive and satisfied should do that. We cannot teach our children to be happy, satisfied adults if we are not happy and satisfied parents. This is a much more important lesson than whether our girls are taught that we "should" or "shouldn't" work outside the home. It simply doesn't matter whether we do as far as whether our children will be well-adjusted. The only problem with either comes in how we balance whichever we path we take.

Women who stay home must have something for themselves other than the children and they must have boundaries. It's important to their self esteem and will teach their children the importance of looking out for themselves and that a mom's feelings and rights matter as much as anyone's. On the other hand, women with an outside job must balance the need to unwind at the end of a hard day with the need of their children for their attention. This can be done by setting a schedule that allows for full attention on the children as well as a time period that belongs only to the mom. Full attention matters more than how much time per day the mom is "around."

Being physically present and being fully present are two different things and stay-at-home moms who are unhappy are never fully present for their children. On the other hand, many working moms are more intent on enjoying the time they do have with their children and end up giving more of themselves "fully" than moms who stay at home. Let's face it, it's easier to concentrate well for shorter periods of time. Giving attention to your children is the same. Working moms often show their enthusiasm at finally being home with their loved ones much better than moms who are always there. This enthusiasm and attention are enough to let children know they are fully loved and appreciated. This is the most important factor in raising children. Everything else can be debated, although much or all of it is pointless since there are too many extenuating factors for anyone to ever say this side is more right than the other.

Anyone who would argue against the most important parenting factor being unconditional love and acceptance likely shouldn't be a parent. The rest is all a big guessing game.

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