by oufb

Created on: May 21, 2009

Ah, conspiracy theories, shall I compare thee to an onion? Multi layered and smelly? Forgive the Shakespearean quote but in Britain we know all about conspiracy theories. Anyhow let's get down to basics shall we? Now if something really was a conspiracy do you think the various governments would allow TV shows to be aired informing us about the plot? No of course not, however, I want you to bear the TV broadcasts in mind, I will be returning to those later.

Whenever a conspiracy is uncovered, what do we find? Only that it is a conspiracy to hide another conspiracy. So, peel away the lid of that conspiracy's lid and do we arrive at the truth? Nope, we find it is covering yet another conspiracy. Let me tell you about at least one of the conspiracies that has not yet been uncovered. Somewhere in the USA, an underground facility has been in operation for at least as many years as the insidious - beefburger. That's right, the apparently innocent, humble burger. It was first introduced into American society as a hamburger and it's popularity spread like wildfire. At least three companies are now spreading their tentacles around the world. They're more sinister than Cigarette-Smoking Man, more deadly than ICBM's. Those scientists in the underground facility have been working on a project designed to make the beefburger addictive.

They are being sponsored by a government agency so secret that the government is not aware of its existence. Its operatives are paid by lottery wins. Ever wondered why you never seem to win more than a few quid on the lottery or never met anybody who has? That's right, it's another conspiracy to pay wages to secret agents without other people ever knowing.

Not forgetting that the restaurant chains are happily sinking millions into the project, making them co-sponsors, or co-conspirators if you like. But why make the beefburger addictive? Easily answered when we turn our attention back to television shows. What do TV stations need? Audiences of course. So as well as broadcasting programmes dealing with apparently ridiculous conspiracies they are showing them to victims of the beefburger plot. As we eat more burgers we become overweight. The result of this spreading condition of obesity is that people become lazy and spend more and more time in front of televisions. Incidentally this particular medium is used to broadcast subliminal messages showing big, juicy, delicious beefburgers! The effect of this form of brainwashing is that people eat even more beefburgers and spend more time in front of the television watching more subliminal messages encouraging them to eat more beefburgers and so on.

So there we have it, forget aliens, shape-shifters, clones, towns with wall to wall geniuses, persons in black, experiments of a gruesome nature being carried out on the innocent public. Focus instead on the apparently normal day to day things. Next time you send out for the pizza dude ask yourself why. Be wary of tv dinners, what do they really contain? If my conspiracy theory is correct then I could bring down, governments, television stations, convenience food companies, beefburger chains, pizza parlours and all I have to do is press the 'publish' button underneath this text. Unless of course this is another conspiracy to take your attention away from the real threat of aliens, shape-shifters and gruesome experiments. How do you know I'm not being paid to perpetrate this lie? It might be another conspiracy.

Learn more about this author, oufb.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.